If you want to help your family thrive, you need to be thriving!
The Biggest Mistake
I get it!
Everyone wants a happy thriving family.
But, most parents make the mistake of focusing on everyone else in their family before they even think about themselves.
The problem is, when you focus on others, you lose power in your own life.
The biggest impact on your family will be to transform your own life.
Stop trying to fix everyone around you and go to work on your own personal growth.
If you want to go from being frustrated and fighting with your teens over screen time, chores, and how you should be more like their friends’ parents, focus on these 3 simple things:
- Identity and who YOU want to BE.
- Connection and YOUR relationships with self and others.
- Growth and YOUR personal practice and development.
If you shift your focus to these 3 things, you will find that you have a more clearly defined purpose, deeper relationships with others, and a drive and determination to grow into the person you’ve always wanted to be.
Who do YOU Want To BE?
Most parents have never really taken the time to think about this.
However, if you are like most parent, you can probably think back to a time when you had a clear idea of who you wanted to be as a parent.
For me, there was a time when I was in trouble with my parents.
If felt unlistened to, unheard, and I felt they were treating my unfairly.
I distinctly remember thinking, “When I’m a dad, I’m going to be fair. And, I’m going to listen. And, I’m going to be nice.”
Most parents have lost sight of any vision that they might have had for themselves and have reverted to simply parenting in reaction/survival mode.
I want to invite you to take some time to DEFINE your vision for yourself.
Who do YOU want to BE?
If you look back at my first 5 episodes, you’ll notice that the first 2 challenges were all about identity.
If you want to go from struggling as a family, take some time to define YOUR identity.
How is YOUR Relationship with yourself and others?
What most people don’t understand about relationships is that your relationships with others are simply reflections of your own relationship with yourself.
Want to improve your relationship with others, maybe a teen, spouse, or parent?
You’ve got to first improve your connection and relationship with yourself.
The problem is, if you’re like most people, you’ve learned to treat others with kindness, but that it’s okay to treat yourself like garbage.
If you’ve ever berated yourself in your head, or even out loud, or if you constantly think mean thoughts about yourself, these are indicators that your individual connection and relationship with yourself are struggling.
There is immense power in connecting to yourself and embracing that connection rather than trying to fight it or silence it with self-doubt and self-loathing.
YOU are powerful. YOU are amazing. And, YOU are exactly where and how you are “supposed” to be.
You can’t get to where you want to be without first BEing right where you are!
Take some time to appreciate where you are and what it’s taken to get there.
Acknowledge and appreciate your strengths and gifts.
There are special things about you that no one else has.
Start believing in yourself.
Start loving yourself.
Start BEing the best version of yourself that you can possibly be.
You cannot give to others what you do not have for yourself.
Want a better connection and relationship with others?
Develop a better connection and relationship with yourself first!
Where can YOU (and want to) practice and develop.
Sure, I could get better at ballroom dance and country swing, but I don’t really want to. Sorry Deb.
I do want to get better at disc golf, basketball, public speaking, entrepreneurship, and being the best husband and father that I can be.
There’s power in being willing to grow and develop.
It takes a certain humility and vulnerability, but it also takes courage and determination.
If you want to thrive as a parent, grow!
Look at plants; when they are growing, they are thriving.
Look at children. One of the things that doctors look for to know if children are thriving is growth patterns.
If you want a thriving family, . . .
If you want individual members of your family to thrive, . . .
. . . You need to grow!
It’s okay to be imperfect.
It’s okay to have room for improvement.
That’s the purpose of life.
Commit to BEing your best by practicing and developing.
When life and parenting is tough, just realize that you are doing some serious growing, and that’s okay.
Sometimes when life gets tough, that’s just life’s way of showing you areas where there’s room for improvement.
Putting It All Together: Identity, Connection, AND Growth
One mistake that I see is when people focus on just one or two of these steps.
They understand who they want to be (identity) and they have good relationships with themselves and others (connection), but they aren’t growing (growth), and they feel stuck and stagnant.
I’ve seen people with great relationships (connections), and they’re working hard to grow and be the best they can be, but without an identity they feel lost and confused.
Maybe you’re growing, and you know exactly who you want to be (identity) but without a relationship with yourself it’s hard to connect with others.
And without some self-love, it’s hard to go through the discomfort of growth, and it’s hard to be someone you don’t like.