The Person Who Really Gets You

Do you have a friend who really gets you?

They seem to know and understand how you think, how you feel, and they just get you on a deeper level than anyone else.

In addition to this, they seem to have your best interest at heart. They are eager to serve you.

They probably accept you just as you are!

This is a powerful example of how great communication makes great relationships.

If you want to improve your relationship with someone, improve your communication with them.

Seek to understand them first.

Work to serve and support them.

Accept them just as they are.

When Was Your Last Argument?

If you’re like most people, the last time you were in an argument with someone, you were probably more focused on what you were trying to get them to think, feel, or do then you were on what they were thinking, feeling, or doing.

The problem is, that this places your focus on things outside of your control.

Rather than focusing on what you are communicating, or the energy that you are communicating from, you are focused on how you want the other person to think, feel, do, or receive the communication.

There are two problems:

  1. You communicate from your own experiences.
  2. Your perspective is limited.

You have had very different experiences in your life than your teen has.

It’s only natural that you’d try to communicate with them from your experiences, you’re an expert in all things you, but it’s more powerful to communicate with your teens from shared experiences.

It’s more powerful to seek to understand them that to prove yourself right.

Lack of Communication Skills Strains Relationships

Look at the world right now. Even with all the resources to help us communicate and stay connected, we still struggle to communicate with each other.

Like I mentioned above, most people communicate from their own perspectives (thoughts) and from their own unintentional emotions (feelings) rather than considering the perspectives and emotions of others.

If you want a better relationship with your teen, learn how to better communicate with them.

This is more powerful that you might realize.

At the end of the day, human beings just want to be heard, understood, and to belong.

That’s it!

If you want a better relationship with your teen, or your spouse, or anyone really, listen to them, seek to understand them, and accept them as they are.

Powerful Communication Principles

  • Seek to first understand, then to be understood.
    • Listen
    • Validate
    • Seek to understand their model
      • What are their circumstances?
      • How do they think?
      • How are they feeling?
      • What are their actions?
      • What are the results they’re creating and what results do they want to create?
    • Understand your own model.
    • Show that you either understand, or that you want to understand.
  • Catch and reprogram your automated responses
    • Your automated responses are likely to be unintentional,
    • Catch it and replace it with an intentional response.
    • It helps me to explore different perspective.
    • It helps me to explore different driving emotions.
  • Tell the whole truth.
    • One of the things that kills communication is dishonesty
    • Be honest with yourself and others.
    • Tell the WHOLE truth, not just the convenient of soft truth.
  • Be committed to YOUR relationship with them.
    • It’s powerful to know that NOTHING you can ever do will change how someone feels towards you.
    • Commit to your relationship with your teen, no matter what!
    • Your teen just wants to be heard, understood, and to belong.
    • Commit to that.
  • Speak from a space of service.
    • This is a tricky one.
    • It’s not, “How can I fix you?”
    • It’s “How can I help you?”
  • Seek to first understand, then to be understood.
    • Part of communication is being understood.
    • We don’t want to ignore this.
    • How can you make things relevant to your teen.
    • How can you make things easier to understand?

Join The Parent Membership Today!

The doors to the Parent membership are open!

If you want a happier home, this membership is for you.

Inside the membership both you will get the support you need to stop the fighting and struggling and start thriving.