Why Don’t People Change?

Everyone wants to change!

But, very few people actually create the change that they are looking for.

Why is that?

Why don’t people change; or, why don’t people create the change that they are looking for?

Today we’re going to explore 2 things.

What keeps people from change, in general?

. . . And, . . .

What’s keeping YOU from changing?

What Keeps People From Changing?

This is a big question and a very powerful question.

I’m just going to share my top 10 things that keep people from changing.

This isn’t an all inclusive list, but these are some of my favorites.

  1. Identity
    • It’s hard to BE someone you don’t believe you can be!
    • You are who you believe you are.
    • If you’re struggling to create the change you’re looking for, ask yourself this:
      • How does this change conflict with my identity?
        • Moms who identify as a “yeller” have a hard time stopping the habit of yelling.
  2. Benefit
    • It’s hard to change if you want to continue getting the benefit of the old way.
    • Everything we do, we do because of a perceived benefit.
    • If you’re struggling to create the change you’re looking for, ask yourself this:
      • What benefit am I getting from this old way of BEing?
        • It’s hard to lose weight if you’re too attached to the benefit of comfort and relaxation.
  3. Desire
    • It’s hard to change if you don’t really want to change.
    • My least favorite people to coach are the people who don’t want to change. They’re usually getting coaching because their parents or spouse wants them to change.
    • If you don’t want to change, you won’t change.
    • If you’re struggling to create the change you’re looking for, ask yourself this:
      • If I don’t want to change, why not?
      • What do I want to do instead of changing?
  4. Comfort
    • Comfort doesn’t create change.
    • In fact, comfort often stifles change.
    • It’s natural to seek comfort. We are hardwired to seek comfort.
      • If you’re struggling to create the change you’re looking for, ask yourself this:
        • What will my life look like in a week, month, year, 5 years, 20 years if I stay in comfort?
        • What will my life look like in a week, month, year, 5 years, 20 years If I leave comfort?
  5. Lack of Belief
    • Most people don’t truly believe that they can change.
    • When people don’t choose to work with me, the #1 reason is because they don’t believe it will work for them, because they don’t believe in themselves.
    • If you’re struggling to create the change you’re looking for, ask yourself this:
      • If I did believe I could change, who would I BE and what would I do?
      • Then BE that and DO that!
  6. Choice
    • Most people don’t consciously choose to change.
    • Change is a choice!
    • Choose to change.
    • If you’re struggling to create the change you’re looking for, ask yourself this:
      • What choices would create change in my life?
  7. Values
    • Your values create your reality.
    • If you want to change your reality, you’ll have to change your values.
    • If you’re struggling to create the change you’re looking for, ask yourself this:
      • What values would create new results in my life?
  8. Commitment/Buy-In
    • Commitment and Buy-In are undervalued.
    • How committed are you to creating change? How bought in are you?
    • One of the reasons I charge people to work with me is because it increases commitment and buy-in.
    • If you’re struggling to create the change you’re looking for, ask yourself this:
      • On a scale of 1-10, how committed am I?
      • What would help be be more committed/bought-in?
  9. Trying to Change from the Outside In
    • Most people try to change from the outside-in.
    • You can only create change from the INSIDE-OUT!
    • Outside-In = Focus on things outside of your control.
    • Inside-Out = Focus on things within your control.
    • If you’re struggling to create the change you’re looking for, ask yourself this:
      • What am I trying to change that’s OUTSIDE of my control?
      • What’s something WITHIN my control that I can change?
  10. Trying to Force Change
    • This one is huge!
    • Most people try to force change.
    • Rather than forcing it, simply allow the change to happen.
    • Creating change is like planting a seed. Once it’s planted, do you part (water and fertilize it) and then allow the seed to do its own thing.
    • If you’re struggling to create the change you’re looking for, ask yourself this:
      • Why am I trying to force this?
      • How could change naturally take place on its own?

What’s Keeping YOU From Changing?

The truth is, the thing keeping you from changing is . . .

. . . You probably already guessed it . . .

. . . It’s YOU!

I’m a very good life coach, but I can’t create change in your life.

Only YOU can create the change that you are looking for.

If you want help, I can help you.

I can teach you how to simply start BEing the parent of your dreams!

I can help you connect with your teen, right where they are, and start having the relationship you’ve always wanted, starting TODAY!

I can help you grow and develop skills that will help you BE the parent of your dreams.

BUT, it starts with you!

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