Real Talk about the book Leadership and Self-Deception

What does it mean to be “in the box” towards someone?

Being “In the Box”= Seeing ourselves and others in a systematically distorted way. Others
are mere Objects

Being “Out of the Box” = Seeing ourselves and others more or less as we are, as People.

Self-deception is creating stories based on your own reality that doesn’t serve you!


When we are in the box towards someone we generally want to get other people to join in with us and confirm that what we are thinking and feeling is justified.

In the book, Leadership and Self-Deception, there is a story about Kate. She is in the box towards her son for being late home from hanging out with friends. When she was in the box she needed to her son to be doing wrong.

When he shows up on time, but just barely, she still complains about how he is cutting it close.

Kate and her husband were colluding together against their son.

Being the Change

Cortni wanted her husband to read this book since they were in the box against each other. But he didn’t want to. . . until she decided to read it without him and started making changes, then he was finally interested himself.

Ben: Cortni what would you tell someone who thinks this won’t work for them?
Cortni: TRY! Just give it a try. With the membership, give it a shot even for a month. And you will feel so much support from the other moms and Ben. It’s worth it! Just give it a shot.`


If you want to seriously up-level your parenting, join the membership.

If you’re tired of arguing with your teen and trying to help them even though they don’t want help, join the membership.

If you like 1:1 support, join the membership.

If you want the support of a community of parents just like you, join the community in the membership