My Favorite Things to Teach
I want to walk you through my 10 favorite things to teach parents.
In fact, these principles are not only my favorite things to teach, but they are the things that the parents who I work with consistently tell me have had the most impact on their lives.
So, over the next several episodes, you’ll get access to my top 10 favorite principles.
And, I’m going to teach them in the order that I think would be most beneficial to you.
The Biggest Connection Secret
Your Teen Wants YOU To Connect with Them!
Most parents operate from this myth that their teen doesn’t want anything to do with them.
And then, lot of parents either wait for their teen to connect with them or try to force their teen to connect with them, but if you wait for your teen, you might be waiting for a very long time, and trying to force your teen to make the connection will actually push them further away.
Instead, simply trust that your teen does, indeed, want YOU to connect with them.
If you trust this, you will find that you feel more confident in what you do as a parent.
I want you to think back to a time when you wanted someone to connect with you.
Maybe it was a parent, or an aunt or uncle, or a grand-parent, or maybe a coach or a friend.
How did that feel? What would you have done to get their attention?
Now, think back on a time when that person connected with you, maybe the noticed you or complimented you or laughed at a joke, or just gave you their time and attention.
How did that feel? What would you have done for them?
The truth is, your teen does want connection with you.
They want YOU to connect with them.
When you connect with them, you will be a powerful influence and motivator in their life.
Be the one to build this connection.
Build Values Based Connection
This is probably the second biggest secret when it comes to building connection with your teen.
One of the mistakes that I see parents making all of the time is trying to get their teens to connect over something that the parent values, instead of working to connect over something that the teen values.
When your teen was 5 or 6, in fact, probably up until they were 9 or 10, your were probably able to connect with them over things that you valued.
This is because at this age, they took the, “If it’s important to you, it’s important to me” approach.
This by the way is one of my favorite stages.
Currently, my 7 year old thinks I am the best, and if something’s important to me, it’s important to him.
Now that your teen isn’t 7 anymore, it’s time for you to take this approach.
If it’s important to your teen, how could it be important to you?
Find the connection.
Right now, my oldest’s top values are his girlfriend, football, and having fun.
Now, with that information, it’s my job to find ways to connect over those values and build values based connections.
My second oldest’s top values are basketball, the girl that he’s interested in, and relaxing.
My daughters top values are Harry Potter, school, and friends.
My youngest’s top values are cuddling with dad, having fun with his sister, and trying to be like his brothers.
When I can see this, it helps me build connection.
You can apply this to your teens, your spouse, even your mother in law.
If you want stronger relationships, start building on the foundation of their values.
You might need to get creative, or maybe skip their top #1 or #2 values.
If you have a teen, and their top value is smoking weed, or a girl friend that you don’t approve of, you might have to start at the top value that you can get behind.
Either way, if you want to increase your connection with your teen, find ways to value what they value.
Your Relationships Reflect YOU!
In last week’s podcast we talked about self-connection and inner wisdom.
This is important because every relationship you have is in someway a reflection of your own relationship with yourself.
Recently I was coaching a mom and daughter about a fight the daughter had had with her dad.
In my time with them, I’ve observed that this daughter and her dad are very similar.
They have similar mannerisms, ways of being, similar values, and they at times clash!
Sometimes this daughter is very harsh with her dad, but this harshness is just a reflection of how harsh she is with herself in her thoughts.
She wants to treat her dad better. She wants to be kinder and more respectful.
The secret is, if she wants to improve her relationship with her dad, she’ll need to first improve her relationship with herself.
The quickest way for her to be kinder and more respectful to her dad will be for her to be kinder and more respectful to herself.
A powerful connection with your teen starts with a powerful connection with yourself.
Come Join Me!
I’m getting ready to do my 3 day live Be the Change Parenting series again.
This is one of my most popular trainings that I do.
Click here to register!