My Favorite Things to Teach

I want to walk you through my 10 favorite things to teach parents.

In fact, these principles are not only my favorite things to teach, but the things that the parents I work with consistently tell me have had the most impact on their lives.

So, over the next several episodes, you’ll get access to my top 10 favorite principles.

And, I’m going to teach them in the order that I think would be most beneficial to you.

Boundaries are Misunderstood

It’s funny how many different reactions I get from parents when I bring up boundaries.

Some parents are convinced that better boundaries would solve all of their problems, while others roll their eyes and say something like, “Don’t talk to me about boundaries.”

There are a lot of myths and misconceptions when it comes to boundaries.

So, here are some common myths about boundaries followed by how I choose to think about boundaries.

• MYTH:
  Boundaries are hard!
• TRUTH:
  Boundaries don’t have to be hard or complex. In fact, the best boundaries are simple!
• MYTH:
  Boundaries will control my teen.
• TRUTH:
  Sorry to burst your bubble. You can’t control your teen, but, you CAN control you! Boundaries are meant to help you be the parent you want to be.
• MYTH:
  I have to have boundaries established ahead of time.
• TRUTH:
  You can establish boundaries at any time. Sometimes it’s beneficial to have them established ahead of time, sometimes it’s beneficial to establish them in the moment, and sometimes it’s beneficial to establish them retroactively.
• MYTH:
  Boundaries will push my need away.
• TRUTH:
  Boundaries will actually help your teen better connect with you. It will help them see and understand how to connect with you. Your teen might not like your boundaries, but that’s not your job.
• MYTH:
  Good parents make restrictive boundaries.
• TRUTH:
  Your boundaries don’t have to be restrictive.

Common Mistakes When Setting Boundaries

I’m not trying to judge you or how you set boundaries. I’m just trying to share some of the common pitfalls that I’ve noticed parents often make when trying to set boundaries.

Usually, the only reason I would call it a “mistake” is that it doesn’t create the results that they are looking for.

• MISTAKE:
  Setting boundaries to control your teen.
• SECRET TIP:
  Shift your focus from your teen (something outside of your control) to what you can control, and how you will respond.

• MISTAKE:
  Setting boundaries to get your teen to change or do something different.
• SECRET TIP:
  Again, this is focused on changing your teen or getting them to do something different, both outside of your control. It’s better to focus on what YOU CAN CONTROL, you, and how you will think, feel, and act.

• MISTAKE:
  Trying to be “COOL” and setting no boundaries.
• SECRET TIP:
  Don’t worry about being cool. Sometimes your teen will not like your boundaries, and that’s okay!

• MISTAKE:
  Making boundaries super complicated.
• SECRET TIP:
  The best boundaries are simple and clear.

• MISTAKE:
  Setting boundaries without even attempting to get your teen’s input or getting them on board.
• SECRET TIP:
  When possible give your teen a voice. Give them the opportunity to chime in and help make the boundaries even better.
• MISTAKE:
  Setting boundaries out of anger and/or fear.
• SECRET TIP:
  Fear and anger rarely help you be the parent of your dreams. Love, curiosity, gratitude, and hope tend to help parents be more like that totally awesome version of themselves that they imagined back when they were teens. Try setting boundaries out of love, curiosity, gratitude, and hope.

Boundaries Are NOT Meant To Control Others

Last week I asked you a question. Have you ever had someone who tried to control you and get you to do all the “right” things so you would be successful? Maybe it was a parent, a teacher, or a boss. Did you like it? How did you end up feeling towards them? I’m guessing you didn’t like it and probably felt resentment and anger towards them.

What makes you think your teen is any different? Do you think your teen is going to be successful when they’re angry and resentful, or will they push back even harder, not even thinking about their future success?

Boundaries are Important for YOU and YOUR TEEN!

Sometimes boundaries aren’t fun, but they are vital to a healthy relationship with your teen. Brené Brown says boundaries are a “parenting sacrifice, or [the] process by which we make family sacred?

Be willing to do the sometimes uncomfortable work of establishing and upholding appropriate boundaries.

How you set and hold boundaries will give your teens an example of how to set and hold boundaries.

Boundaries will give your teen structure, safety, and the power to exercise their own choices.

Boundaries will give YOU structure, safety, and a guide for how you want to parent in the face of your teen’s choices.

Boundaries done right will improve your relationship with your teen.

Come Join Me!
I’m going to be Live for my 3 Day Be the Change Parenting Training

It’s going to be awesome! Register and Save the dates:

June 8 – 12PM (MDT)

June 13 – 12PM (MDT)

June 15 – 12PM (MDT)

Click here to register!