As Within, So Without
One of the things that most parenting advice gets wrong, is that it’s overly focused on things outside of the parent’s control.
Often, parenting advice is more focused on the child’s behavior, in our case our teen’s behavior.
The biggest problem with this is that when you focus on things outside of your control, you was your energy on things that you can control, when that energy could have been spend on things that you actually have control over.
I like to call this focus on things outside of your control an External Focus.
And, it’s easy to fall into this trap of external focus, because this is what most everyone else is focused on.
As a result of this external focus, many people try to change things outside of themselves without ever really addressing the things within.
But life and nature work differently.
If you were to think about gardening and growing tomatoes.
You’d never try to get a bigger tomato by fertilizing the FRUIT of the plant, or trying to water the fruit.
Instead, you’d fertilize the ROOTS, or the ground surrounding the roots.
When we water our tomato plants, we don’t water the fruit, the leaves, or the stem, we water the roots.
Rather than focusing your energy on things that are seen, or the things that are on the outside, focus your energy on the unseen, the things on the inside.
Mastering The Unseen
This is one of the main things that I coach on.
In fact, I belief that this is one of the things that sets me apart from most other life coaches and therapists.
Rather than focusing on external things that are seen, we start digging deeper and focus on things that aren’t usually seen by others.
The is EMPOWERING because this positions you as the hero of your struggles.
Unfortunately, rather than take this empowering approach, most people blame others or make excuses based on things or people outside of themselves.
If you want to improve your relationship with your teen, start by mastering the unseen.
Have you fallen into the controlling parent trap, where your focus is on your teen and how they behave?
If this is you, shift your attention from the seen, your teen’s behaviors, to the unseen, how you think and feel.
Here are some things that are usually unseen that have huge impacts on what you see around you.
Your core values.
Your fundamental beliefs.
Your daily thought patterns.
How you think and how you feel.
You identity as a parent.
If you want to improve your relationship with your teen, rather than trying to change, fix, or control your teen, shift your attention to one of the areas mentioned above.
Your INNER World will Change Your OUTER World
Your inner world is made visible in your outer world.
Rather than constantly trying to change your outer world, start making changes in your inner world.
I know it sounds crazy, but what alternative do you have.
You CAN’T control your teen.
You aren’t responsible for fixing them.
BUT, you can be the change you want to see.
And it starts with the inner game of parenting!
How To Master the Inner Game of Parenting
Step 1 – Go take the parent trap quiz!
It’s free, easy, and will take you less than 3 minutes.
Step 2 – Use your quiz results to focus your energy on growing in the area indicated by your quiz results.
Step 3 – Join me on one of my FREE Masterclass Sessions about getting out of your parent traps and BEING the parent of your dream!