Lately I’ve felt directed to discuss things concerning spirituality.
I’ll do a podcast on spirituality, what it is, what it isn’t, what it’s often confused with, especially in religion, and more.
But this episode isn’t specifically about spirituality, but it is about something that will help deeper connect you with things of a spiritual nature.
So, as you listen, try to listen for things that ignite your soul.
When I was a principal, there was a time when we had a poster hung up above the cafeteria doors that said something like.
Victims see only obstacles, while heroes see only opportunities.
I can’t remember exactly what it said, but it was something like that.
I remember that it jarred me at the moment.
At that moment, I remember being very focused on the obstacles in my life as a principal.
I remember feeling very frustrated and defeated, and I realized that I was totally in the victim mentality.
So, I started questioning, “What opportunities am I missing?”
Instantly, my mind was flooded with opportunities that I had previously been blind to.
This time in my life was an opportunity to delegate more responsibility to my staff and my students.
It was an opportunity to train and level up people around me.
It was an opportunity to let go of things out of my control.
That little sign completely changed my reality.
Since then, I’ve come to realize that there’s 3 mentalities; Victim Mentality, Hero Mentality, and the Creator Mentality.
I came to this realization a couple months ago while on a walk with my wife and my dog.
I remember having my mind blown wide open.
I happened to have a group coaching call right after the walk and I instantly taught my members this concept.
Now, I want to teach it to you.
This is the mentality that most of the world is stuck in.
In the victim mentality, you see the world as happening TO you or AGAINST you.
You’ll know your stuck in the victim mentality if you catch yourself doing the following:
- Complaining about things outside of your control
- Making excuses
- Living out of integrity with who you want to be
- You feel powerless, frustrated, and discouraged.
The victim mentality might be simple to identify (especially in others), but it can be tricky to escape.
It’s a mindset, a lens through which you see the world around you.
The victim mentality is a way of being, based on your habitual ways of thinking and feeling.
This is the mindset that a lot of the world is stuck in.
I get stuck in this, especially when I’m coaching football, and I start blaming the refs, or criticizing them and making excuses.
And, this mentality holds me back from being who I want to be, and it will keep you from being the parent of your dreams.
One of the things that I often hear from parents, is this desire to get their teens out of the victim mentality.
I get it. I often want to get my own kids out of the victim mentality, but you can’t control someone else’s mentality.
But, you can control yours.
If you want your teen to get out of the victim mentality, you better make sure that you’re not stuck in the victim mentality.
Okay, so if the victim mentality is perceiving the world as happening TO you, the hero mentality is perceiving the world as happening FOR you.
This is a huge shift, and one that can happen in an instant, or it can take some time and some effort.
For me, I have to catch myself in the victim mentality and consciously shift my mindset by asking questions like, “How is this happening FOR me?” or “What are the opportunities that I’m missing?”
The hero mentality sees opportunities rather than obstacles.
You find ways to embrace your circumstances rather than avoiding them or blaming them on someone else.
You’ll know that you’ve made the shift from the victim mentality to the hero mentality if:
- You’ll find opportunities
- You’ll be grateful for trials and struggles
- You’ll embrace challenges
- You feel optimistic, hopeful, and grateful.
Again, this is a mindset, and it’s a mindset that you can practice.
If you’re anything like me, you’ll need to catch yourself in the victim mentality and practice shifting that mentality to a hero mentality.
With practice this will become more and more natural for you.
So, let’s talk about the last and most powerful mentality.
I like to call it either creator mentality or the god mentality.
If the victim mentality is the world happening TO you, and the hero mentality is the world happening FOR you, the creator mentality is the world happening THROUGH you.
This means, that you look at your reality, your results, as something that’s come through you.
This can be a tough pill to swallow!
If you’re at a weight that you don’t want to be at, like I currently way between 245-250 lbs. I want to weigh 195-200 lbs. I created this reality.
The thing is, when you swallow this tough pill and you accept ownership of your reality, you embrace the power that you have to create a new and different reality.
You begin to see your hand in EVERYTHING.
You begin to see how you have the power to create change all around you.
You’ll know you’re in the creator mentality if:
- Start taking responsibility for you and the things you can control.
- You let go of things outside of your control and redirect that energy to things within your control.
- You see things that you want to create and you feel confident that you can create them.
- You feel empowered, confident, and bold.
This is where you want to be.
As a parent, this means that you’re no longer blaming your teen for your poor relationship.
You’re no longer making excuses and criticizing yourself and others.
You see the relationship that you want with your teen, and you go about creating that relationship.
Now, sometimes people ask, “So, you want my to just blame myself for what my teen’s doing?” or “You want me to ignore my teen’s part in all of this.”
Well, NO, I don’t want you blaming yourself for what you’re teen’s doing. That’s actually more of the victim mentality.
And, YES, you may need to ignore your teen’s part in things because it’s OUTSIDE of your control.
All this does is help you take back your power by being responsible for YOU and ONLY the things you can control.
By doing this, you can re-harness your energy and re-apply it to you instead of all the things outside of your control.
Why this is SO Important
The secret is, whether you’re in the victim mentality, the hero mentality, or the creator mentality, YOU ARE THE CREATOR of your reality.
So, if you’re in the victim mentality, that’s the reality that you’re creating.
If you’re in the hero mentality, that’s a definite level up from the victim mentality.
When you embrace the creator mentality, there’s nothing that can stand in the way of YOU being the you of your dreams.
When you start taking responsibility for your reality, you claim the power that comes with having created your reality, which gives you the power to create a new reality however you want it.
Want to Master the Inner Game of Parenting?
Step 1 – Go take the parent trap quiz!
It’s free, easy, and will take you less than 3 minutes.
Step 2 – Use your quiz results to focus your energy on growing in the area indicated by your quiz results.