Do You Know Where You Want To Go?
If you feel lost as a parent, it’s probably because you don’t really know where you want to go or who you want to be.
In fact, if you’re unhappy as a parent, I guarantee it’s tied to this same principle.
That’s why in my FREE audio course, Parenting from the Inside Out, one of the first things that we work on is IDENTITY.
If you don’t know who you want to be, you’ll have a hard time living in alignment with that identity.
One of the first questions that I ask people is, “What are you hoping that I can help you with?”
You see, I need to know what they want, where they want to go, so that I can know how to help them.
So, if you’re feeling lost as a parent, or if you’re feeling unhappy as a parent, explore, “Where do I want to go?” and “Who do I want to be?”
Stop Focusing On What You DON’T Want
Another thing that will leave you feeling lost is focusing on what you DON’T want. This is one of the things that teens and parents both do. They don’t know what they want, but they are consumed with what they DON’T want.
By focusing on what don’t want, you’re actually creating more of what you don’t. You’re giving your attention and energy to the thing that you don’t want, which attracts more of what you don’t want.
This is one of the mistakes that I often make as a parent. Rather than focusing on what I like about my teen, and what I want for them, I focus on what I don’t like and what I don’t want.
This changes my energy towards my teen.
If you’re anything like me, when you’re focusing on things that you DON’T want, you’re more likely to have an external focus on things outside of your control.
Define What YOU Want
One of the first things that I have my clients do is to Define What They Want.
For parents, I have them create a 10 word vision statement. For teens, I might have them create a vision statement or define some goals, but it’s important that you know what WANT.
It’s also important to define what YOU want, not what others want you to want. This can be hard, especially if you’re used to trying to make others happy and trying to manage other’s models.
This will help you shift your attention and energy off of what you don’t want. This will help give you direction in “tough” parenting moments because, rather than trying to avoid what you don’t want, you can move towards what you do want.
Focus On Only What You Can Control
One of the biggest mistakes that I see parents making is focusing on things outside of their control.
A common example is, “I want to be the type of parent that MY TEEN wants and feel comfortable to talk to.”
The problem is, it’s focused on something outside of your control, your teen.
You could be an amazing parent, and your teen still might not want to talk to you.
Instead, bring that focus into something with in your control. For example, “I want to love my teen no matter what. I want to treat them with love and respect.”
It’s focused on you and what you can control.
Live In Alignment with Your TRUE Desires by Experimenting
This is massively important, and it’s one that a lot of us get wrong.
In religion, a lot of us are taught about “right” and “wrong” and that we should only do what’s “right” and avoid what’s “wrong” at all costs. And, if you’ve done something “wrong”, you’re bad.
Well, I’m hear to tell you that there’s a better way to live in alignment.
You have to experiment and learn from trial and error.
You see, you’re going to be confronted with “tough” parenting moments, when you don’t know what to do. If you’ve taken the time to define who you want to be and where you want to go as a parent, this “tough” parenting moment will be easier, but you still won’t know how to best handle it until you’ve experienced it.
And, for me, I have to take blind action, or limited sight action. I do what I think is best and I pay attention to how it feels. Sometimes I get to pat myself on the back for a job well done and now understand that I’ve learned how I want to handle such things.
Other times, I feel a sense of out of alignment, and sometimes it can feel icky, but it’s an opportunity to course correct and realize, I want to try something different in the future.
Every “tough” parenting moment is an opportunity to experiment and practice living in alignment with who you want to be and where you want to go as a parent.
Want to Master the Inner Game of Parenting?
Step 1 – Go take the parent trap quiz!
It’s free, easy, and will take you less than 3 minutes.
Step 2 – Use your quiz results to focus your energy on growing in the area indicated by your quiz results.