My Teen Wants Nothing to Do with Me
One of the things that I’ve heard a lot lately is, “Yeah, but my teen wants nothing to do with me.”
Like, “Ben, everything you teach is cool and all, but my teen wants nothing to do with me, so it won’t work.”
I want to tell you a few things.
#1 I’m sorry your teen want’s nothing to do with you. That’s hard. I know. I’ve experienced it as both a teen and a parent.
#2 You’re focusing on something outside of your control, and it’s disempowering, and it will hold you back and keep you from being the parent of your dreams.
#3 If you do YOUR work, EVERYTHING WILL CHANGE! I promise you.
So, again, if your teen seems to want nothing to do with you, I’m sorry. But, I promise you, this work will change your life and it will change your teen’s life.
Plus, “My teen wants nothing to do with me” is a made up story in your head. And, if you believe that story, you will find evidence proving that story to be true in your life. So stop it, and start believing a better story.
A better story, like, Your Teen Wants YOU to Connect with Them!
Your Teen Wants YOU to Connect with Them!
If you’ve been listening for a while, you’ve heard me say this before, “Your teen wants YOU to connect with them!” And, you know that I emphasize YOU.
It’s true. I promise you, your teen wants YOU to connect with them. Most parents make the mistake of trying to get their teen to connect with them as parents.
Stop it. You be the one to connect with your teen. Be willing to be the one that puts in the work. Work from the belief that your teen does WANT you to connect with them.
As you believe that your teen does indeed want you to connect with them, you will start to find evidence all around you proving that to be true.
That is a powerful place to parent from.
#1 Love Your Teen NO MATTER WHAT!
Seriously, this one should be a no brainer, right!?!
But it’s super hard.
Commit to loving your teen no matter what.
Tell them that you love them. Show them that you love them. Find ways to feel and express your love for your teen. Let go of attachments to desired outcomes that are holding you back. Find ways that you are withholding your love and affection, and stop holding back.
Go ALL IN on loving your teen.
You never know how long you’ll have access to your teen.
#2 Let Go of Their Model
This one is hard, but it’s one of the most powerful things that you can do.
Let go of your teen’s model. It’s not your job to make them think you’re a good mom. It’s not your job to make sure that they love you. It’s not your job to make sure that they behave. You can’t get their results for them.
All the energy you spend trying to manage their model is energy not being spent managing your own model.
When you let go of your teens model, this will improve YOUR relationship with your teen, as well as improving your TEEN’S relationship with you.
Let your teen hate you. Let them think you’re the worst parent in the whole world. Let them misbehave. Let them deal with their own results and all the consequences that come with it.
#3 Be The Parent of Your Dreams
Now that you’ve let go of your teen’s model, you should have a lot more energy to manage your own model. Put this energy to good use. Start being the parent that you’ve always wanted to be. Be kinder. Be more consistent with your boundaries. Be more creative. Be more fun. Be that mom that you know you want to be.
One of the problems with trying to get your teen to like you is that it usually involves parenting out of alignment with your vision for yourself.
This will cause you not to be the parent of your dreams, and your teen won’t be able to truly know you because they know that false you.
If you want your teen to truly love you, you have to truly BE you.
BONUS #1 Know Your Teen’s Values
This is one of the things that I teach inside the membership, but it’s so important I had to share it with you here. Know your teen’s values. Know what their interested in. Understand what’s important to them, and embrace it.
When you know your teen’s values, you can start building values based relationships.
You can start connecting to them over things that they think are important. This is one of the most powerful things that you can do.
BONUS #2 Don’t Take it Personal and Let Go
Don’t take it personal if your teen hates you. That’s on them, not you. That’s a reflection of them, their mental and emotional state, and the reality that they’re creating. It’s not on you.
Let go of whether or not your teen loves you.
Just think how selfish this sounds, “I’m only going to be the parent of my dreams if you love me.”
Instead, listen to how powerful this is, “No matter what, I’m going to be the parent of my dreams!”
You have that power. Love your teen no matter what. Be the parent of your dreams, no matter what.
Let go of your attachment to desired outcomes. Let go of your expectations, and redirect that energy to being the parent of your dreams.
Want to Master the Inner Game of Parenting?
Step 1 – Go take the parent trap quiz!
It’s free, easy, and will take you less than 3 minutes.
Step 2 – Use your quiz results to focus your energy on growing in the area indicated by your quiz results.