Old Mindsets are Simply Old Programming
Your mindset is one of the most important parts of your relationship with your teen.
If you want a better relationship with your teen, start building a better better mindset.
Could you imagine if your iPhone was running on the same programming as the first generation iPhone. It’d be so slow, outdated, and unfunctional.
If you want to make 2024 the best year with your teen, here are some powerful mindset shifts to help you do it.
Old Mindset #1 There’s something WRONG with teens these days!
Okay, we got this when we were teens.
Remember old people saying, “There’s something WRONG with teens these days!”? They’d follow that by calling us lazy, self absorbed, and other derogatory remarks.
I remember complaining about this to my dad, and he told me people complained about him and other teens way back when he was a teen.
It’s an old mindset. Older people complain about teens. We’ve probably been doing it since the dinosaurs. We’re programmed that way, but you can change your programming.
And, if you believe that there’s something wrong with your teen, it’s time to shift that mindset to something more powerful.
New Mindset #1 Teens are amazing, and they’re highly capable!
I’ve recently found out that this is actually one of the reasons I’m able to connect with teens so well. I was recently playing basketball with a bunch of teens and only 2 other adults. It was fun. After our several games, one of the teens told me that he like being on my team because I’m different from most adults. When I asked how I’m different, he said, “You actually like us and treat us like were capable human beings.”
I don’t know where I learned this, but it helped my as a foster dad, principal, teen life coach, and as a dad.
I promise you, your teen is amazing, and they are highly capable human beings.
If you adopt this updated mindset with your teen, I promise you it will make your parenting so much easier in 2024.
Recently we were faced with a mild problem in my home with one of my teens. My wife asked me, “What should we do?” I replied, “I don’t know, but let’s just let him figure it out. He’s capable.”
And guess what. He totally figured it out all on his own.
I was confident in letting him tackle his own problem for 2 powerful reasons. #1, I see him as being highly capable and I trust him, and #2 I’m on this empower the teens kick and I saw this as an opportunity for me to empower him to grow.
If you want to shock your friends, and seem about 100 years younger to your teens, when “old” people complain about “teens these days,” be the one to stand up for teens and talk about how amazing they are and all the awesome things they’re accomplishing.
Old Mindset #2 Parenting teens is hard and it sucks!
Okay, I hear this one all of the time, and it’s killing me!
Multiple times over Christmas break, I heard parents complaining about how hard it is raising teens and how much it sucks, as if it’s an unchangeable fact of life that parenting teens is hard and it sucks.
In once instance, I mentioned that I LOVE raising teens because it’s so much fun, and people looked at me like I was crazy.
In an other instance, the parents were doing that comparison thing to see who’s got it worse. It’s like they wanted to one-up the other parent and have the harder parenting teen story.
This is old programming, and it’s going to make it hard to have a better 2024 if you continue to believe that parenting teens is hard and it sucks.
New Mindset #2 Parenting teens is exciting and fun!
Here’s a new mindset to try. What if parenting teens is actually exciting and fun? It’s just that you didn’t know it yet. You’ve spent the parenting teen years proving the old belief that it’s hard and it sucks, but now you can start proving just how exciting and fun it is.
I truly love raising teens. It’s so much fun. My wife and I were foster parents for a couple of really young kids, like between 2-5, but they were developmentally much younger. It was during that time that we realized, parenting teens is way better than changing diapers.
One of my top values is having fun. I believe almost everything could and should be a party with a purpose.
If you’re not having fun parenting your teen, your teen’s probably not having fun being parented by you.
Just imagine, how your parenting would be different if you perceived it as being exciting and fun.
Old Mindset #3 My teen needs to change to improve our relationship.
This is one of the mindsets that I see the most often when parents come to me wanting me to work with their teens, which I really do love working with teens, but if you’re not willing to change as a parent, any change your teen creates will be short lived and likely not enough.
It’s part of our programming as humans to focus more on what we think others should do to change, than on what we could actually do to change.
I see this happening in families and in schools. The focus seems to be on fixing, changing, and even controlling the teen. Parents often thing that if they could simply change their teen that they’d have a better relationship with them. School seem to think that if they could just get their students (teens) to care more or be more responsible, or more controllable, then schools wouldn’t be failing.
The problem with this old mindset is that it positions you as the victim, at the mercy of this thing (your teen) outside of your control.
Lucky for you, there’s a much more powerful mindset that will be a game changer in 2024.
New Mindset #3 If I want an improved relationship with my teen, I can BE The Change!
If you want a better relationship with your teen, commit to BEING the Change you’ve been looking for.
This will actually shift you from a victim mindset to a hero and creator mindset.
Just imagine if you spent all of 2024 finding ways to BE the Change rather than trying to change your teen. What impact would that have on your life? What impact would that have on your teen’s life?
The truth is, if you want 2024 to be amazing, it’s up to you to make it so.
These old outdated mindsets will keep you stuck. But, if you can shift these mindsets, you’ll have the best year ever with your teen.
Want to Ask Ben Anything when it comes to parenting?
Step 1 – Register for the live Ask Ben Anything webinar by clicking the button below!
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Tuesday, January 9th, @ 4:00 pm MST
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