Lots of parents want their teens to be more resilient, but they don’t know where to start. Start with YOUR relationship!

“While much of the research on resilience focuses on individual strengths, it’s social support that may matter the most.”
~ Jill Suttie

“How resilient we are may have as much to do with our social milieu and circle of support as it does with our personal strengths.”
~Jill Suttie

Relationships are part of resilience!

Resilience is a hot buzzword right now in education, which is making it be a hot buzzword in parenting too.

This is great! It’s important that we understand resilience and become more aware of what we are doing to increase our resilience. But, I worry that too many parents and teachers believe that they are not qualified to help our teens develop resilience.

You are qualified! You have the tools to help your teen build resilience.

In the article, The Road to Resilience, from The American Psychological Association, resilience is directly tied to our relationhsips.

“Many studies show that the primary factor in resilience is having caring and supportive relationships within and outside the family. Relationships that create love and trust, provide role models, and offer encouragement and reassurance help bolster a person’s resilience.”
The Road to Resilience ~ The American Psychological Association

As a parent, you have the power to have a powerful impact on your teen’s resilience.

No, you can’t force them to be resilient, you can’t make them have a different mindset, but YOU CAN be a powerful force in their life. YOU CAN provide love, trust, support, examples, encouragement, and commitment to love and YOUR relationship with them.

As a principal, I made relationships a priority in our school and it changed EVERYTHING!

We held events with the specific goal of creating opportunities to connect our teachers and staff with our students and their parents.

We did BBQs and Dutch oven deserts with our students and their parents.

We did outdoor activities like kayaking, swimming, cliff jumping, and beach games with our students, all in an effort to provide opportunities to build relationships.

We took our students to do fun activities with the staff, like playing laser tag, ice skating, hiking and exploring, and even going to theme parks.

As a foster parent, my wife and I bent over backwards to treat our foster kids like family. When we did things as a family, WE ALL did those activities. We took our foster kids to theme parks, water parks, played games, and did anything in our power to provide opportunities to build relationships.

What’s the evidence of increased resilience?

In our home, with our foster kids and our own kids, we saw more effort to succeed, follow family rules, and connect with each other. They were more willing to come to us for support when they were struggling. They had confidence that no matter the struggle, they would come out on top.

As our relationships strengthened, we found that we stayed out of the box towards them.

As our relationships strengthened, we found it easier to keep struggles and setbacks in perspective.

As our relationships strengthened, we found that our resilience as parents increased, which led to us role modeling resilience.

At my school we saw graduation rates skyrocket from the mid 50% range to 88% my last 3 years. We saw suspensions and office discipline referrals decrease immensely. Or student attendance increased. Our students even told us that they enjoyed school. Our teacher and staff absenteeism and annual turnover decreased because teachers now enjoyed being at our school.

When our students struggled in school with grades, attendance, or behavior, they were able to put in the work and bounce back.

When our students struggled at home with abuse, neglect, or trouble with the law, they were able to lean on their relationships from the school and pull through.

Relationships changed EVERYTHING!