The Most Disempowering Phrase

Okay, so maybe this isn’t THE MOST disempowering phrases, but it’s got to be one of them.

Ready for it?

It’s, “I KNOW!”

Seriously, this phrase will take your power away as a parent.

Imagine you and me sitting in a coffee shop together having dirty Dr. Peppers. We’re talking and sipping sodas, and the waiter comes over and askes, “Ready for a refill?” Now, I’ve already chugged mine, so my cup is basically empty, but yours is still relatively full. Now, imagine that the waiter tries to fill both of out cups. Mines empty, so he goes ahead and pours the liquid into it, no problem. But, your cup’s basically full. If he tries to pour anything into your cup, what’s going to happen?

Well, it’s going to overflow.

If you position yourself as a full cup, you have no room to receive anything more.

One of the problems a lot of parents are experiencing with their teens are because they think they know everything, and they don’t realize that they have so much more to learn when it comes to parenting.

Stop Pretending

I think it’s part of being an adult, and maybe we learned this as teens, trying to fit in with adults, but why do we feel like we have to pretend that we know everything.

Seriously, is it so bad to admit that you DON’T KNOW?

I’ll be honest with you, this is a trap that I sometimes fall into. I pretend like I’ve got everything figured out, and I pretend that I know what I’m doing and what needs to be done, but this pretending gets in the way of learning.

Want to give yourself a powerful gift that will kickstart your personal growth? Admit to not knowing. Acknowledge when you have a lack of skills.

You don’t want your teens believing the lie that parents know everything, only to be disappointed when they become parents themselves and realize that they have no clue.

The Power of Unlearning

When you think you know something, your brain accepts that thing as truth. Then, that “truth” influences the lens through which we see the world.

Everyone “knows” something that’s not true. It’s okay. It’s part of being a human being. BUT, if you want to really grow in your parenting and create a powerful change in your relationship with your teen, you’ll need to unlearn the beliefs that are holding you back.

When it comes to parenting, unlearning is a liberating and powerful experience.

It’s important to know that what’s gotten you here in your parenting won’t get you to where you want to be. That’s why it’s important to unlearn the old and learn and embrace the new.

Unlearning old parenting ways and learning new and improved parenting ways is basically reprogramming your mind.

If you have a smart phone, chances are your phone periodically has to update. This makes your phone work better. It makes it safer and more efficient. The same is true about your parenting. When’s the last time you experienced a parenting update?

Start Here: Question What’s NOT Working

One of the best ways to start unlearning is to start question things that are NOT working for you.

This is a powerful place to start because it addresses a current pain in your life. When something’s not working, it’s painful. This will give you added motivation to question the thing that’s not working.

Here’s an example about teens and screen time.

For years, all I had heard about screen time was how bad it was for kids, especially teens. I heard that teens cannot manage screen time on their own and that “good” parents control their teen’s screen time.

So, I tried to do just that. I tried to control their screen time. I made my teens turn in their phones at night by a specific time. I made them sit by me as I sifted through their phones, their texts, their photos, everything, and it felt icky. Not only did it feel icky, it also led to lots of fights and arguments. I felt like it wasn’t working.

Then, one day I questioned why I was working so hard to control my kids screen time. I didn’t have a good reason.

Then I asked my teens, “What do you think would be fair when it comes to screen time?”

They came up with some really good ideas.

I unlearned the old “truth” that I needed to control my teens’ screen time, and I learned that their was a better way that was a win win for me and my teens. Screen time is now relatively easy.

Be wiling to question the things that aren’t working in your life.

Explore New Options

Once you’ve questioned the things that aren’t working in your life, now take some time to explore new options.

With my teens, we explored some new options when it came to screen time and cell phone use.

The truth is, their are millions of different ways to parent. No one way is THE “right” or “wrong” way.

Find what works for you, and embrace it and practice it.

Step 1 – Go take the parent trap quiz!

It’s free, easy, and will take you less than 3 minutes.

Step 2 – Use your quiz results to focus your energy on growing in the area indicated by your quiz results.

Step 3- Come work with me to help you up level your parenting!

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