Episode 219: 7 Back to School Secrets for Parents and Teen!

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Back to School Secrets You and Your Teen Need to Know

It’s back to school time here in the US, and I want to share some back to school secrets for both you and your teen.

These are secrets that have helped me, my wife, my own teens, my foster teens, and even teens from back when I was a high school principal.

I call these secrets because nobody’s really talking about them but me. So, apparently, they’re well kept secrets.

You don’t have to implement every single one of these, but find one and see if you can apply it to this year’s schooling experience.

1. Failure At School Doesn’t Mean Failure in Life

The other day at church, the guy teaching the lesson to a bunch of 15-18 year old young men taught that, “If you fail at school, you’ll fail at life.”

He went on to say that, “If you want to be successful in life, the most important thing you can do is succeed in school.” He’s a teacher, so I can understand that he’s a little biased (we’ll talk about this a little later). But, this is a lie and it’s sending the wrong message to students who might hate school or struggle with school.

For example, I struggled in high school. I barely graduated. I failed classes from time to time, and I failed in the behavior department often. And yet, I’ve become a successful parent, entrepreneur, high school principal, football coach, and respected member of my community.

If you’re teen feels like a failure at school, remind them that real life and school life are very different and some of the most successful people “failed” at school.

2. Nothing’s More Important than YOUR Relationship with Your Teen!

I know, you hear this, and you think, “Well, duh! Of course my relationship with my teen is the most important.”

The problem is, far too many parents don’t behave as if their relationship with their teen is most important. If you’ve caught yourself fighting and arguing, and saying hurtful things that you wish you could take back, you might be prioritizing whatever you’re fighting about over your relationship teen.

For example, if you’re fighting with your teen about grades, yelling at them, calling them names, feeling angry and disappointed with them, you’re prioritizing their grades above your relationship with them.

I’ve had many parents tell me something along the lines of, “When I stopped prioritizing grades and school success and started prioritizing MY relationship with my teen, everything changed. We stopped fighting and yelling, and we started getting along and actually enjoying each other.”

If you’ve fallen into the trap of valuing your teen’s education more than you value your relationship with them, make this year different!

Make YOUR relationship with them your priority.

3. Bias FOR School

It’s important to remember that there’s a strong bias in favor of school. If you’re like most parents, you graduated from high school, you were taught that you needed school to be successful, and here you are as a successful adult, and it’s natural to assume that your success is connected to your success in school.

Also keep in mind, educators are heavily invested in school. They’ve spend years, tens of thousands of dollars, and tons of energy in school. Of course they are convinced that school is the best option.

When you are aware of this bias in favor of school, you’ll be able to see through it and approach school from a more neutral and intentional perspective.

4. The Most Important Lesson are Taught By Parents

School cannot and should not replace you and what you have to offer your teen.

You might not understand anything beyond 7th grade math, you might hate English or history, but you have valuable lessons to teach your teen.

The art of kindness, skills that only you have, lessons that you’ve picked up throughout your life, these are things that you can teach your teen. School can’t replace you. There are lessons that only you can teach your teen.

5. Make School Fun

I get some hate on this one sometimes, but I’ll be honest with you. I don’t know why we insist on making life so dull and boring. Everything I do, I try to make it fun. Data show that people perform better at school and work when they’re having fun. We know kids learn more and deeper when they’re having fun. Find ways to make school fun. I promise, it’s possible.

6. Use AI Ethically

Okay, this is another one that I get hate on. I was just talking to a teacher who says my local school doesn’t allow AI at all. I think this is kind of like when I was a kid and my teachers told me, “You’re not going to have a calculator in your pocket at all times.”

Well, they were wrong, and I think cutting AI out of school and avoiding it is missing a huge opportunity.

Now, I’m not telling you to break the school’s rules, but I am saying, if you can use AI, and if you’re going to use AI, use it ethically. Be honest about it. Don’t expect it to do your homework for you. Learn how to use it to help you. I use it almost everyday. I ask it to give me recommendations, suggestions, to check for errors, to give me ideas for different ways to say things, for view points that I might be missing.

AI is a powerful tool, but it CAN’T replace you. Use AI, but always be sure to give it you’re special human touch that only you can give it.

7. Get Help Early and Consistently

This is something I’ve learned over and over in life. The longer you wait to get help, the more overwhelmed you become.

I believe it’s important to get help early and often. The best athletes have coaches. They get help early and consistently. They’re constantly getting feedback, support, and accountability.

I believe the same pattern helps parents keep their teens on track.

BONUS: Be a Good Friend and Have Good Friends

One of the most important ingredients for a successful school year is to have good friends.

One of the things that I hear from teens all the time is, “I just don’t have any good friends.” Often they’ll tell me, “I just don’t really like anyone at my school. We just have nothing in common.”

Here’s the secret for having good friends:
BE A GOOD FRIEND FIRST!!

If you want good friends, be a good friend.

Good friends are attracted to good friends. You want friends who are attracted to you for being you.

So, the secret? Be a good friend and be authentically you.

People will be drawn to you.