Episode 223: Parenting Myth: It’s My Teen’s Fault Our Relationship Is Bad

Parenting Myth: My Teen’s Poor Behavior is Responsible for How I Parent.

There’s a common belief among parents that their poor relationship with their teen is their teen’s fault. I get it. I’ve fallen into this trap before and blamed my teen for how I was feeling towards them and even for how I treated them. 

It actually makes sense that you might think this way, because there are a lot of parents out there who think this way. In fact, recently in a parenting group, not mine, but one that I’m a member of, a mom went off venting about her teen and blaming her teen for her parenting struggles, and to make things worse, most of the comments on the post supported this mother’s belief that her daughter was to blame for her poor relationship with her.

But, I want you to think about this . . . 

. . . If how you parent is your teen’s fault, there would be nothing that you could do to be a better parent. You would always be at the mercy of your teen and their behavior. Fortunately,  it’s not your job to control your teen, and it’s not your teen’s job to control you and your parenting.

An Empowering Truth: You’re Responsible for How You Parent!

If you’re like most parents, when you parent in reaction to your teen’s behavior, you probably aren’t happy with the way you parent. 

In fact, you might even feel bad or guilty about your parenting. 

If you want to be happy in your parenting, you need to learn to intentionally BE the Parent of Your Dreams, regardless of your teen’s choices.

Think about it. How many times has your teen done something that triggered your old parenting habits to take over? Then, you yell, scream, maybe even say things you regret, and then you feel ashamed of your parenting.

This leads to unhappiness in your parenting. And, when you believe that it’s all your teen’s fault, that’s disempowering, which leaves you now feeling ashamed and powerless.

Thankfully, there’s a better way! Imagine this . . . 

. . . Your teen does whatever they do that normally triggers your old parenting habits, BUT this time, rather than losing your cool and yelling, screaming and saying things that you regret, instead you take responsibility for how you’re feeling. So, you figure, “I might as well keep my cool,” you approach the situation with curiosity and compassion. Then you realize, when you do this it’s easier to love your teen, which really helps YOU have a good relationship with your teen. 

Now, you can totally be disappointed in your teen, but still totally loving them AND proud of the way you handled the situation. 

Ask a Powerful Question!

So, ask yourself, “Do I want to keep losing control of myself as a parent everytime my teen does something I don’t like, or do I want to be in control and parent with intention in these moments?”

Or ask yourself, “Do I want to keep blaming my teen and keep being the victim? Or, do I want to take responsibility for me, my parenting, and my relationship with my teen, and be empowered?”

It boils down to this, . . . 

Do you want to improve your relationship with your teen or not? 

If you answered “YES”, then it’s time to take responsibility for your parenting. It’s time to stop blaming your teen and start BEing responsible for you and your parenting. 

Now’s the time!

Let me help you!