Episode 227: Parenting and “Self-Deception”
Leadership and Self-Deception and Why It’s So Powerful for Parents
This is the #1 book that I recommend to parents who are struggling with their teens, struggling with a spouse, or even struggling with someone in their life.
I read this book several years ago, and it changed my life. There was a family member that everyone in the family was in the box towards, and me and my wife didn’t have a great relationship with them. This book helped my wife and me figure out how to fix our relationship with them.
I believe that this book helped me be a better foster parent, better high school football coach, and a better husband and father.
If you’re the type of parent who wants a better relationship with your teen, I recommend that you read this book.
The Anatomy of Peace, An Alternative to Leadership and Self-Deception
I LOVE Leadership and Self-Deception! But, it’s not for everyone. My dad and some of my clients prefer The Anatomy of Peace. Both books are written by The Arbinger Institute, and both books are powerful.
I feel like Leadership and Self-Deception is more of a fun story that will pull at your emotions, help you empathize with the main character and his struggles, and help you see how the lessons apply in your life.
The Anatomy of Peace is more of a focus on conflict resolution and creating peace in your family. It’s less of a story, and more of a guide with real life examples.
The Limiting Belief
A lot of parents believe that their teen is the one with the problem, they’re one that needs to change, and the one who’s responsible for fixing the relationship.
This is actually bigger than just a parenting belief. This is actually a common belief all over human life. Look at politics, they’re always blaming the other side, whether that’s the opposite party, an opposing country or leader, or even a disease. In sports, there’s a similar mentality with blaming the refs or blaming the opposing team and fans. Even at work, it’s commonplace to blame bosses, coworkers, and other circumstances when things don’t go as planned. So, it makes sense that we would bring this belief into our relationships and families.
But if you think about it, this is actually the most disempowering thing you can believe and something I consider to be “Self-Deception”. In the book, “Leadership and Self-Deception” this is actually called, “In the box thinking.”
An Empowering Alternative Belief
What if YOU were the solution to EVERY problem you have with your teen? The secret is, YOU ARE!
The truth is, when you try to change your teen, you’re in the box towards your teen, and you’re actually in self-deception towards yourself. You can only change you. So, start asking yourself empowering questions like, “How can I BE The Change I want to see in my teen?”
When you start to change, you allow others around you to change.
Do You Want a Better Relationship with Your Teen?
So, do you want to keep looking at your teen as if THEY’RE the problem, and keep blaming them for your struggles you have with them, or do you want to get out of the box towards them and out of self-deception so you can start BEING the change you’re looking for?
Ultimately, do you want a better relationship with your teen?
If “YES”, then Leadership and Self-Deception can help you do just that.