Episode 230: How to Reset Your Parenting Thermostat
What’s a Parenting Preset?
Think about a room with a thermostat set to 80 degrees. Even if you open a window to let in cool 65-degree air, the heater will kick on to warm the room back up to 80. No matter what you do – open windows, doors, whatever – the room will keep going back to 80 degrees because that’s what the thermostat is set to do.
Your parenting works the same way! If you’re set to be super controlling, or too easy-going, or always yelling, that’s your “preset.” Even when you try to act differently, you’ll probably snap back to your usual way of parenting – just like that thermostat going back to 80 degrees.
What’s Your Parenting Setting?
Want to know your parenting preset? Take my Parent Trap Quiz! It’s free, super quick (just 3 minutes!), and helps you understand how you usually parent. You can find it at benpughcoaching.com/parenttrapquiz
To figure out your preset, think about how you usually act as a parent:
• Do you get angry quickly?
• Are you always stressed?
• Are you fun and ready for adventures?
• Are you curious about your teen’s life?
These habits are part of your parenting programming. The good news? Once you see these patterns, you can change them!
For example, I decided I didn’t want to be as strict as my parents were. Once I made that choice, I changed my “strictness setting” to be more relaxed.
How to Change Your Parenting Settings
Here are four easy steps to change your parenting:
- Notice Your Settings
- You need to see what you’re doing before you can change it
- It’s like noticing you always say “no” first
- Understand Your Settings (Optional)
- Knowing why you parent this way can help
- But you can skip this step if you want
- Remember: You’re Not Your Settings
- Your habits aren’t who you are
- When I catch myself using old habits, I think “That’s just old programming – it’s not really me!”
- You’re like the programmer, not the program
- Make New Settings
- Practice new ways of thinking
- Try new parenting skills
- Build better habits
- Start with small changes when things are going well
Be the Parent You Want to Be!
If you want to be different – maybe calmer or more understanding – you need to change your preset. First, decide what kind of parent you want to be. Then, start practicing being that parent!
Remember: Just like you can change a thermostat setting, you can change your parenting style too!