Episode 233: The Biggest Mistake Parents Make

The BIGGEST Mistake Parents of Teens Make

Want to know what the biggest mistake that parents of teens make?

This might actually surprise you. 

Often, when I ask parents of teens, “What do you think the BIGGEST mistake parents of teens make?”, I get answers like:

  • Yelling at your teen. 
  • Trying to control your teen. 
  • Letting your teen walk all over you. 
  • Not having a good relationship with your teen. 
  • Being friends with your teen. 

Those are all great guesses, but if you ask me, the BIGGEST mistake parents of teens make is . . . 

. . . Trying to change their teen!

Yep, trying to change your teen instead of BEING The Change YOU Want to See, is the biggest mistake I see parents make. 

And, if you’re like most parents, the biggest reason you might be trying to change your teen is because you don’t have a vision for the type of parent that you want to be.

Since you don’t have a vision for yourself and the type of parent you want to be, you focus your energy on the thing you do have a vision for, the type of teen you want your teen to be.

I want to help you with this today.

changing your parenting thermostat

What’s Keeping YOU from BEING the Parent of Your Dreams

In my parenting program, I teach a simple step by step process for you to identify what The Parent of Your Dreams even looks like. 

Usually we go through that process over a little bit of time, so we won’t have time to go through it all today, but I do want to help you use the tools that we’ve talked about over the last couple podcast episodes to help you start BEING the Parent of Your Dreams.

First, let’s take a minute and talk about a few things that are keeping you from BEING the Parent of Your dreams. 

    1. We’ve already talked about this one, but #1 is Lack of Personal Parenting Vision. 
      1. It’s hard to be the parent of your dreams if you don’t even know what that looks like. 
  • Focusing on things outside of your control. 
      1. If you’re like me, this is an easy trap to fall into. 
      2. If you’re trying to fix, control, or change your teen, YOU are focused on things outside of your control. 
  • Lack of Awareness
      1. You and I went over this back in episode 231 Daily Parenting Debrief. 
      2. You can’t change something if you’re not first aware of it. 
      3. Doing a daily parenting debrief will help you increase your awareness of your parenting programming and presets.
  • Lack of Practice
    1. Last week on the podcast, you and I talked about The Wheel of Life and how to practice BEING the Parent of Your Dreams.
    2. Being the parent of your dreams won’t be easy, and it won’t happen overnight or all by itself. You’ll have to practice and develop that skill and the parenting programming that that version of you requires. 

How to Be the Parent of Your Dreams?

Now that we know what’s keeping you from BEING The Parent of Your Dreams, let’s explore how YOU can start BEING the parent of your dreams. 

First, notice the language we’re using here. I want you to BE, present tense, the parent of your dreams. 

Not, someday become the parent of your dreams. If you focus on becoming the parent of your dreams, all your subconscious mind understands is that YOU Are Not the parent of your dreams. 

Instead, I want you to realize that you can BE the parent of your dreams RIGHT NOW, right this very instant. Just make the decision and BE the parent that you’ve always wanted to be.

Now that you understand why it’s important to be intentional about the language you use around this, let me give you some simple steps. 

  • Step 1. Define Your Parenting Identity
      • I like to use a simple process of creating your 10 Word Vision Statement for yourself. 
      • I teach this in my membership, I’ve also done free trainings on this, and I’ve taught this in the podcast. It’s super powerful. 
  • Step 2. Do a Daily Parenting Debrief. 
      • This will help you see some of your old parenting programming and parts of your parenting that are out of integrity with the parent that you want to be. 
  • Step 3. Practice using the Wheel of Life.
      • We talked about this in the last podcast. This is a simple process to help you practice the new ways of being. This will give you the reps that you need to develop new habits and new programming.
  • Step 4. Control ONLY the Controllable
    • As you go through steps 1, 2, and 3, you’ll notice that this is all about YOU and what YOU can control. 
    • It’s not about changing, fixing, or controlling your teen. Any focus on things outside of your control is a waste of energy that could be applied to YOU and BEING the Parent of Your Dreams.
    • BE The Change You Want to See!

Be the Parent of Your Dreams!

If you want to be the parent of your dreams, you’ve got to reprogramme your old programming or reset your parenting thermostat.

The wheel of life is a tool to help you reprogramme your old parenting programming and reset your parenting thermostat.

Using the wheel of life and the daily parenting debrief will help you reset your parenting thermostat super fast.

If you’re tired of being the parent who always yells and screams at your teen, identify “What kind of parent do you want to be?” and start developing that programming.

FREE: Get The Parenting Debrief
Want to understand both yourself and your teen better? This guide shows you how to use internal reflection and external communication to transform your relationship. Learn how awareness of your parenting style creates space for more meaningful connections, while mastering practical techniques for those important daily conversations.
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