Episode 256: Why We’re Addicted to Being Anxious
Anxiety has become a constant presence in so many of our lives. But what if we told you it’s not just something we experience—it’s something many of us unknowingly hold onto, even worship? In this episode of the podcast, we explore the roots of anxiety, why it feels so hard to let go, and how changing your mindset can help you break free.
What You’ll Learn in This Episode
- Why anxiety has become a part of our identity.
- How “secondary gain” keeps us stuck in cycles of worry.
- The difference between healthy nervousness and crippling anxiety.
- How to stop passing anxiety onto your kids.
- Simple tips for building resilience and embracing discomfort.
How Anxiety Becomes an Addiction
Anxiety doesn’t just show up out of nowhere. It often becomes a habit—one we turn to in tough moments. In this episode, Ben explains how anxiety can feel like a “badge” we wear to avoid uncomfortable situations. Whether it’s skipping out on a tough conversation or avoiding a new challenge, anxiety offers us a way to stay comfortable, but at a cost.
This is where the idea of secondary gain comes in. Secondary gain is the hidden benefit we get from holding onto anxiety. Maybe it’s avoiding embarrassment, staying safe, or even fitting in with others who also struggle with anxiety. But as Ben points out, this gain is temporary, and it keeps us from growing stronger and building confidence.
Teaching Kids (and Ourselves) to Face Fear
Cortni shares her insights on how anxiety is often passed down to the next generation. She explains how many parents unintentionally “feed” anxiety in their kids by trying to protect them from discomfort. But avoiding discomfort only makes things harder in the long run.
Instead, Cortni encourages parents to teach their kids that it’s okay to feel scared or nervous—it’s part of life. Whether it’s getting a shot at the doctor’s office or speaking in front of a class, kids need to learn that they can face challenges and come out stronger on the other side.
Why Embracing Discomfort Is the Key to Growth
One of the most powerful lessons in this episode is the idea that resilience comes from facing discomfort, not avoiding it. Ben shares a personal story about being pushed to work harder by a tough coach in high school. While the feedback was hard to hear, it helped him grow and succeed.
This same principle applies to anxiety. Rather than avoiding situations that make us anxious, we need to embrace them. As Ben explains, “We need to stop worshiping anxiety and start seeing it as something we can overcome.”
Practical Tips for Letting Go of Anxiety
If you’re ready to stop letting anxiety control your life, here are a few tips shared in the episode:
- Identify the Secondary Gain: Ask yourself, “What am I getting out of this anxiety?” Understanding the hidden benefit is the first step to letting go.
- Reframe Your Nervousness: Nervousness and excitement are closely related. Shift your mindset to see that buzz of energy as a positive force.
- Acknowledge Fear, but Don’t Feed It: It’s okay to feel scared or uncomfortable, but don’t let it stop you from moving forward.
- Model Resilience for Your Kids: Teach your children that life’s challenges are opportunities to grow, not obstacles to avoid.
Final Thoughts
Anxiety doesn’t have to define you. It doesn’t have to control your life or your family. As this episode shows, letting go of the “badge” of anxiety and embracing discomfort can lead to incredible growth and strength.
So, the next time you feel anxious, take a moment to pause and reflect. What benefit are you getting from holding onto it? How can you reframe the situation to empower yourself rather than hold yourself back?
If you’re ready to stop letting anxiety run your life, this episode is for you. Listen now and start taking control of your mindset today!
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