Is Your Teen Out of Control? There’s Still Hope
If your teen feels out of control, you’re not alone.
In this episode of the podcast, I respond to a listener named Jodi — a therapist from southern Nevada. Her niece’s 13-year-old son has ADHD and ODD. He was recently expelled from school, and now his mom is thinking about sending him to a troubled youth camp.
If you’re facing something like this, this episode is for you. I’ve been there — both as a teenager and as a high school principal. There is hope, and it doesn’t always look the way people expect.
What This Episode Covers
We talk about ADHD, ODD, expulsion, parenting, and how to create real connection instead of fear and control. I also share stories from my own life (including the time I lit a school bus on fire).
1. Expulsion Isn’t the End — It Can Be a Turning Point
When a teen gets expelled, it can feel like everything is falling apart. But in this episode, Ben shares that expulsion doesn’t mean a child is broken. In fact, it can become the moment where real change begins — if adults around them choose connection instead of shame. Ben’s personal story (lighting a school bus on fire and getting suspended!) shows that even “knucklehead” teens can turn things around when someone sees their potential. Instead of focusing on what went wrong, look at what’s possible from here.
2. Labels Like ADHD and ODD Don’t Tell the Whole Story
Many teens get labeled with ADHD or ODD, and while these diagnoses can be helpful at times, they often miss the deeper picture. In the episode, Ben and Cortni talk about how these labels can cause adults to expect defiance or bad behavior — even when a teen is just overwhelmed, misunderstood, or trying to fit in. Instead of using the diagnosis as a limit, parents can use it as a clue to understand their teen better, build connection, and teach real skills. A label isn’t a life sentence.
3. Connection Is Always More Powerful Than Control
Parents often fall into the trap of trying to force change — with punishments, rules, or even sending a teen away to a program. But as Ben explains, true change comes from connection, not control. Teens who feel safe, seen, and supported are more likely to take responsibility and grow. That’s why Ben teaches tools like co-created boundaries, praise over criticism, and honest conversations. If a teen is acting out, they need more connection — not more distance.
Episode Highlights
00:00 – Jodi’s Question: “What Can We Do?”
Her 13-year-old nephew is struggling after being expelled from school. He’s been labeled with ADHD and ODD. Jodi wants help for her niece.
02:45 – Why Fan Mail Isn’t Enough
If you want a real coaching session, you need to email me directly or schedule a free call!
04:20 – That Time I Lit a Bus on Fire
Yep, I got suspended in 7th grade. This story helps explain why even the most “out of control” teens can turn out okay.
09:45 – A Dad, a Suspension, and a Perspective Shift
How one angry dad changed after hearing my story.
11:10 – Why Expulsion Isn’t the End of the Road
Being expelled can be a turning point — if we help teens see their own worth.
12:15 – Cortni’s Story: Getting Dropped from School
She got kicked out of beauty school. It taught her some powerful lessons.
14:05 – Let’s Talk ADHD (for Real)
Too often, ADHD becomes a label instead of a tool for understanding. Here’s how we can do better.
17:10 – Cortni’s Experience with ADHD
She shares what it’s like living with ADHD — and why grace matters.
18:45 – Why I’m Not a Fan of ODD
Oppositional Defiant Disorder is often a lazy or harmful diagnosis. Here’s what I think is really happening.
21:15 – Boundaries That Actually Work
The key isn’t forcing control. It’s inviting your teen into the process.
23:30 – Stop Parenting from Fear
When we try to force change, we usually break connection. There’s a better way.
25:15 – The Problem with Troubled Youth Camps
They might seem like a solution, but the data says otherwise.
26:45 – What Parents Can Control
You can’t control your teen, but you can work on yourself and build connection.
29:10 – Schools Often Get Expulsion Wrong
I’ve seen it firsthand. There’s a better way to help struggling students.
32:15 – Yes, Parents Need to Show Up
Support at home makes all the difference. Here’s how to do it without shame or blame.
34:15 – Teens Need Connection, Not Isolation
Connection is the one thing that helps teens grow, heal, and feel safe.
36:45 – What If School Isn’t Working?
Sometimes dropping out or taking a break teaches more than staying in.
38:00 – Final Thoughts & Encouragement
No matter how bad it feels — there’s still hope. Your teen’s story isn’t over.
Final Message
Whether your teen is struggling at school, acting out at home, or facing a scary diagnosis — please don’t give up. They’re not broken. You’re not failing. And you don’t have to do this alone.
Want Personal Help?
Book Suggestions: “The Go Giver” by: Bob Burg & John David Mann
& Leadership & Self-Deception by: Arbinger Institute
Book a free call: BenPughCoaching.com/mini
Email me: ben@benpughcoaching.com
Listen to more episodes: IMPACT! Parenting with Perspective
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