Stop Parenting for Approval—Your Teen Needs the Real You
Watch this whole episode on YouTube: Episode 272
Have you ever caught yourself parenting in a way that doesn’t feel like you? Maybe you’ve tried to live up to what your parents expect, what your neighbors think is “good parenting,” or even what you think your teen wants. The problem is, when you parent for approval, you lose the real connection your teen actually needs.
In this blog, we’ll explore why people-pleasing in parenting backfires, and how you can start showing up as the real you.
What You’ll Learn in This Post
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Why people-pleasing keeps you stuck as a parent
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How to recognize when you’re parenting for approval
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The importance of defining your own identity
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A simple 10-word tool to guide your parenting
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How authenticity helps you and your teen connect
The Trap of Parenting for Approval
It’s easy to fall into the trap of trying to make everyone else happy. Parents often feel pressure—from extended family, other parents, or even their kids. You might think: If I just do what they expect, everything will go smoothly.
But the truth is, parenting for approval takes you further from who you really are. Your teen can sense when you’re being fake, and instead of building trust, it creates distance.
People-Pleasing Hurts Connection
People-pleasing might feel safe in the short term, but it leaves you feeling frustrated. For example, one mom I coached kept comparing herself to other parents. She bent her rules to match what other kids were allowed to do. The result? Her teen didn’t respect the new rules and she felt resentful for giving in.
When you parent this way, you stop leading from your values. Instead, you chase approval and miss the chance to truly connect with your teen.
Define Who You Want to Be
So how do you avoid this trap? Start by asking: Who do I want to be as a parent? Not who others expect you to be, but who you want to be.
I use a simple tool called a 10-word vision statement. Mine is:
“Parenting with love, confidence, and curiosity is easy and fun.”
This short statement keeps me grounded. When I feel tempted to people-please or parent out of fear, I come back to those words.
Authentic Parenting Inspires Teens
When you show up as your authentic self, you give your teen permission to do the same. Instead of trying to live up to others’ expectations, they get to explore who they want to be. That creates space for real connection.
Your teen doesn’t need a “perfect parent.” They need the real you—messy, human, and authentic.
Conclusion
Parenting for approval might feel easier in the moment, but it never leads to deep connection. When you take off the “mask” and show up as yourself, you build trust and inspire your teen to do the same.
The next time you feel pressure to parent like someone else, pause and ask: Who do I want to be right now? Then choose to be that parent.
Your teen doesn’t need the version of you that gets applause. They need the version of you that’s real.
Want Help?
You don’t have to figure this out on your own.
Whether you’re a parent or a teen, I offer free coaching calls to help you get started.
Book a free call today: https://benpughcoaching.com/mini
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