The Truth Destroying Your Teen Relationship

What Is “Self-Deception”?

Self-deception happens when we trick ourselves without knowing it.
It’s when we blame others instead of looking at our own part in the problem.

As parents, this shows up when we say things like:

• “My teen is so disrespectful.”

• “They never listen.”

• “I’ve tried everything, and they just don’t care.”

But what if your teen isn’t the only one stuck?
What if you’re both trapped in the same cycle — each one seeing the other as the problem?

How “Being in the Box” Shows Up

In the book Leadership and Self-Deception, there’s an idea called being in the box.
It means seeing people as objects instead of as humans with feelings, hopes, and struggles.

When you’re in the box toward your teen, you might see:

• Disrespect instead of stress

• Laziness instead of fear

• Attitude instead of pain

And once you see them that way, everything they do seems to prove your view right.
That’s how the cycle keeps going.

Breaking the Cycle

The good news?
You can get out of the box — and when you do, everything changes.

It starts with awareness.
Once you see your part in the pattern, you can choose a new way to respond.

Ben shares how this showed up in football. He caught himself blaming his players for mistakes.
But when he stopped seeing them as “the problem,” he was able to coach better — and they grew stronger together.

The same is true at home.
When you stop seeing your teen as the problem, you open the door for connection.

A Simple Shift

Next time you feel frustrated with your teen, pause and ask:

“What’s my part in this?”

You might realize that your frustration is an invitation to look inward — to change how you show up.
This doesn’t mean your teen is perfect. It means you have power.
And that’s where real change begins.

Final Thoughts

You can’t fix your teen.
But you can change how you see and respond to them.
And when you do, your relationship will start to heal.

If you want to go deeper, listen to Episode 280 of the IMPACT: Parenting with Perspective podcast.
You’ll learn how awareness, compassion, and humility can rebuild the trust that self-deception slowly breaks down.

Because parenting isn’t about being perfect — it’s about being aware, connected, and real.

Want Help?

You don’t have to figure this out on your own.

Whether you’re a parent or a teen, I offer free coaching calls to help you get started.

Book a free call today: https://benpughcoaching.com/mini