Your Teen Can Hate You… and You Can Still Have a Great Relationship

Your Relationship and Their Relationship Are Not the Same

Most parents think a relationship is something two people build together.
But that is only partly true.

Your relationship with your teen lives inside you.
It comes from:

• What you think about them

• How you feel about them

• How you act toward them

Your teen has their own relationship with you.
It lives inside them.
These two relationships do not always match.
And that’s okay.

You can love your teen and think highly of them, even when they act rude or distant.
You get to choose how you show up.

Why This Gives You Power

Parents often try to control how their teen thinks or feels.
They want their teen to like them.
They want respect.
They want peace.

But you cannot control another person’s thoughts or emotions.
Trying to do so only makes you feel stuck and powerless.

When you stop managing your teen’s mind, you free up your own energy.
You can use that energy to become the calm, confident parent you want to be.

The Doormat Trap

Some parents stop trying to control their teen and swing to the other extreme.
They give in to everything.
They let their teen walk all over them.
They stop setting rules or boundaries.

They do this because they fear losing the relationship.
But this never works.
It creates resentment, burnout, and even less respect.

A Simple Tool: The T-Chart of Control

Draw a big T on a piece of paper.

On the left, write the things you can control:

• Your thoughts

• Your feelings

• Your actions

• Your rules

• Your boundaries

On the right, write the things you cannot control:

• Your teen’s thoughts

• Your teen’s feelings

• Your teen’s choices

• Your teen’s reactions

Let go of the right side.
Put your effort into the left side.
This shift alone creates more peace than you might expect.

Why Boundaries Help, Not Hurt

Boundaries feel scary at first.
You may fear your teen will get mad.
And yes—they might.

But a boundary is not about control.
A boundary is about how you choose to act.

Clear, calm boundaries create safety.
They show your teen you mean what you say.
They also teach responsibility and respect.

Even if your teen is angry at first, boundaries help the relationship grow over time.

Real Change Starts With You

The fastest way to improve your relationship with your teen is simple:
Work on your own relationship with them first.

When you change how you think, feel, and act:

• You show up with more love

• You show up with more calm

• You stop arguing

• You stop chasing approval

• You stop playing small

• You parent from strength, not fear

Most teens respond to this shift.
But even if they don’t right away, you will feel better.
And your relationship will grow because you are growing.

Your teen may not always like you.
They may get mad, roll their eyes, or even say hurtful words.
But that does not mean you are failing.
And it does not mean you cannot have a great relationship.

Focus on what you can control.
Let go of what you cannot.
Show up as the parent you want to be.

When you do this, your relationship becomes strong, steady, and real—no matter how your teen feels in the moment.

Want Help?

You don’t have to figure this out on your own.

Whether you’re a parent or a teen, I offer free coaching calls to help you get started.

Book a free call today: https://benpughcoaching.com/mini