Once we’re aware of what is actually going on, we can intentionally become who we want to be.
“Every human has four endowments; self-awareness, conscience, independent will, and creative imagination. These give us the ultimate human freedom. The power to choose, to respond, to change.”
~ Stephen Covey
Awareness Changes EVERYTHING!
Last week we talked about the power of awareness and how to develop the skill of awareness.
I believe that awareness should come before we try to make changes.
Many times, once we’ve increased our awareness, things change without us even trying to bring about change.
Intentionality is the Next Step.
It’s powerful to be aware of what’s truly going on in your life. Far too often, we realize that things are not going how we would like them to, and we jump straight into trying to change things.
Now that we’ve developed some awareness, we can start to identify things that we would like to change. From last week’s exercise of developing awareness around your thoughts, feelings, and unintentional models, you now have a greater awareness of what is really going on.
Now being intentional is the next step.
Now that you’ve identified your unintentional thoughts, feelings, actions, and results, you can start becoming intentional with your model.
Intention Impacts Who We Are
Last week we talked about how simply changing the action doesn’t create lasting change and how it’s so important to develop awareness before trying to make changes.
Most of the time, after temporarily changing our actions, we go right back to being who we used to be.
Last week we used the example weight loss. Usually, people don’t take the time to understand exactly what is going on or developing an awareness of what’s going wrong. Instead, they jump right into a new diet or exercise program. They might experience temporary results, but without awareness, the real issue usually takes over again.
You go right back to being who you were before because your identity never changed.
Now that we have have the awareness, rather than simply changing what we do, we want to intentionally change who we are!
Someone who is extremely physically fit isn’t that way simply because they exercise regularly or because they eat healthily. Instead, they exercise regularly and eat healthy because they ARE someone who is physically fit.
Simple Steps to Develop Intention and Identity
#1 Do Daily Thought Downloads
Last week you became aware of the thoughts and beliefs that govern your life. Now that you have awareness around your thoughts, you can start becoming intentional with your thoughts.
Old thoughts like, “I’m an awful parent”, can be substituted for thoughts like, “My parenting superpower is listening,” or “My only job is to love my teen, and I’m awesome at that!”
Thought downloads will help you to continue gaining awareness, and they will help you see how you want to intentionally think differently.
#2 Explore Who You Want to Be and How They’d Think
You can do this in thought downloads, just in your head, or by writing yourself a letter from your future self. Explore how your future self would view your circumstance? What’s their perspective?
This will show you new thoughts and beliefs that you can practice believing about yourself.
#3 Explore Who You Want to Be and How They’d Feel
After you’ve explored these new thoughts, explore the feelings they create. When you think, “I’m great at connecting with my teen”, explore how that makes you feel.
#4 Do Unintentional and Intentional Models to Create Your Results
Last week we practiced doing unintentional models, now we are going to continue doing unintentional models followed by intentional models.
C- I yelled at my teen.
T- I’m the worst parent.
A- I hide and don’t actively parent.
R- I’m not as involved with my teen.
We can intentionally change anything in the model but the circumstance. Explore what result you would like to get instead of your unintentional result. What action would create that result? What would you need to feel to take that action? What thoughts create that feeling?
C- I yelled at my teen.
T- This is an opportunity to connect with my teen.
A- Apologize and model humility
R- I’m an example of how to grow from mistakes
#5 Be Intentional and Patient
Human beings are ruled by their habits. So, this might be the hardest part.
Last week we talked about exploring your thoughts and feelings without judgement and with compassion.
This week, this applies to this step. Practice being intentional without judgement and with compassion.
DO NOT expect change and perfection right away!
Give it some time. Be willing to practice, and practice, and practice. Continue gaining awareness, start making decisions intentionally, and practice living in alignment with your intentional model.
This is changing who you are as a parent and how you show up in the world. This will take practice and time.
Call to ACTION!
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Get on a FREE consultation call with me today to see how you can stop pushing your teen away and start connecting with them right where they are.