#050 Parenting Transformation vs Improvement

We don’t want to simply become a better version of a caterpillar, we want to transform into a butterfly.

“Transformation Does Not Tolerate Mediocrity.”
~ Jim Fortin

Transformation VS Improvement.

Improvement focuses on better whereas transformation focuses on different.

Usually, improvement is focused on the perceived problems, and simply improving how we respond to the problem.

Transformation on the other hand is focused on the vision of what could be and becoming the vision.

There is a time a place for both transformation and improvement.

We see this in sports all the time. Sometimes teams are just trying to improve in one or two small areas. They try to build upon what is working and improve the things that are not working. The old way is working pretty well, so they’re simply going to improve upon the old way.

On the other hand, sometimes teems decide to transform themselves. They bring in new coaches and support staff and new and different players. They’re not simply trying to get better, they are trying to become something new completely. The old way was not working, so they’re throwing it out to transform into something new.

To Transform or to Improve, That is The Question

Like I said, there is a time and a place for both transformation and improvement.

You get to decide where you are and what you need.

You can achieve both through coaching, but it’s up to you to know and understand what YOU want to be working on.

Some of the parents that I work with are mainly looking for improvement. They’re happy with their relationships and how things are going, but they want to improve in a few areas.

Some of the parents that I work with are ready for a complete transformation. They want everything to change from top to bottom.

How to Achieve Parenting Transformation

Step #1 Start with Awareness

This is my favorite place to start. Take some time to develop some awareness about where you are in your own personal growth. Become aware of what is going on around you and within you. Understand not only the what, but the why and the impact it is having on you.

I see lots of people skipping this step. They want a transformation. They know they are not happy as they are, but they don’t really take the time to deeply understand why.

I see this happen with parents. They think they are unhappy because of their teen, or because of their teen’s actions or grades, or they think they are unhappy because of their spouse, but they are only seeing the things on the surface. They are not aware of what’s going on inside.

Identify the things that are bothering you, that you want to change. Explore them. Why are they bothering you? What are your thoughts and beliefs about them? How are you feeling about them? What actions are these feelings leading to? What are your current results.

Become aware of what you CAN and CAN’T control, what you want to control and what you don’t want to control, and what you’re willing to control and what you’re not willing to control. This awareness will help prepare you for step #2.

For more on awareness checkout Episode 39, Awareness Before Intention

Step #2 Be Willing to Let Go of Things

This step is huge! In fact, currently the biggest struggle that I see with the parents that I work with is their unwillingness to let go of things. And 99% of the time, the things parents have the hardest time letting go of are the things that aren’t actually within their control.

One of my teen clients is a competitive shooter. I was explaining how when we focus on things outside of our control, we can’t focus on the things within our control. He explained that it made perfect sense to him as a shooter because you can only aim at 1 thing at a time. The same is true for you, you can only focus on one thing at a time.

Do you want to be focused on something within your control or outside of your control?

Be willing to let go of the things that you cannot control.

Also, be willing to let go of things that are not aligned with your personal values. Are you keeping someone else’s secret because you don’t want to offend them, but it’s completely contrary to your value of being honest and open? Stop it. Be willing to let go of that because it is not inline with your values.

Be willing to let go of things that are not your priority. We live in a world that has normalized trying to do E-V-E-R-Y-T-H-I-N-G. We end up doing so many things that we can’t do any of them well.

If it’s not a priority, stop doing it.

This step is key to getting a transformation! When you commit to doing less, you’ll actually get way more done!

Step #3 Be intentional

Once you’ve developed awareness and you’ve let go of the things outside of your control, or the things that aren’t aligned with your values, or the things that simply aren’t really a priority, you can start developing your intentionality.

Being intentional is vital to creating a parenting transformation. Being unintentional is likely what has created your current circumstance. Most of what we do is unintentional. By shifting into intention, you will change who you are BEing.

To do this, really explore . . .
WHO DO YOU WANT TO BE?
WHAT ARE MY VALUES?
WHAT ARE MY PRIORITIES?
WHAT ARE THE RESULTS I WANT TO ACCOMPLISH AS A PARENT?

Once you get clear on the answers to those questions, commit to intentionally BEing that person. YOU can do this! Let this be your identity. Let this identity drive your intention. Let this create the transformation that you have been looking for in your life.

This doesn’t mean that you will magically be perfectly intentional. Learn from the times that you are living out of intention. Recommit to BEing the change that you want to see.

Summer Is Perfect For Transformation

Most people think of transformation and change around New Year’s. That’s great, but most people completely forget about and/or give up on their New Year’s resolutions by Valentine’s day.

I believe that summer time is actually a better time to achieve a transformation, especially for parents like you!

Life is dramatically changing. Kids are going from being at school to being home. There’s summer vacations, holidays, family reunions, and life is different.

Use the change in your surroundings to support you to transform yourself. When you see people you normally don’t see, tell them about your transformation. This will make it even more real to you.

Summer is only 2-3 months. You’re not committing to a whole year like you did in January. It’s doable.

You’ve got this.

Call to ACTION!

Join our parenting membership. You can transform yourself as a parent, and we want to help.

Stop worrying that you are doing it all wrong, and join the Firmly Founded Parent TODAY!

This is the first and most powerful step in developing confidence in yourself and your parenting.

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