#066 3 Tips to Make parenting Simple!

BEing the parent of your dreams means being responsible for your own personal growth rather than being responsible for your teen’s personal growth.

“That is what learning is. You suddenly understand something you’ve understood all your life, but in a new way.”
~ Doris Lessing

How To Make Parenting Simple!

#1 Define Your Role! 

  • One of the things that makes parenting harder that it needs to be is Not knowing your role!
    • If you don’t know what your role, or purpose, is as a parent, everything feels like a battle. 
  • When you don’t define your parenting role, you get tossed from one roll to the other. 
  • It’s hard to be intentional when you don’t know what your role is. 

#2 Only Focus on What YOU Can Control.

  • One of, if not THE, most powerful things you can do as a parent is to shift your focus from what you cannot control to what you CAN control. 
  • One of the things that makes parenting hard is trying to control things outside of your control. When we focus on things outside of our control, we waste a lot of effort on something that is outside of our control. It’s exhausting because nothing changes. 
  • Things you might be focusing on that are OUTSIDE of your control:
    • Your teen’s behavior,
    • Their grades,
    • Their decisions,
    • Their thoughts and feelings,
    • Their results/consequences.
  • Things you could focus on that are WITHIN your control:
    •  How you think, 
    • How you feel, 
    • How you act, 
    • Your ways of BEing. 
  • Parenting is much more simple when you only have to worry about what you can actually control. 

#3 Make Your Personal Growth the Priority Rather than Your Teen’s Personal Growth. 

  • Most parents focus on the growth, or more accurately their perceived lack of growth, with their teen. If you’re like most parents, you’ve done this too, and you’ve been frustrated or disappointed with the growth.
  • Instead, focus on your own personal growth. Make that your priority. 
  • You can’t change, fix, or control your teen, BUT . . . 
  • . . . When you make your own personal growth a priority, you will have a more intentional and positive impact on your teen. 
  • When we focus on others’ personal growth, or lack there of, we cannot focus on our own personal growth. 
  • We cannot focus on two things at once. 
  • Make your own personal growth a priority. 

BONUS #1 Choose Love!

  • It sounds overly simple, but what if it really is just this simple? CHOOSE LOVE!
  • What if loving your teen was your ONLY job? Wouldn’t that make your job easier?
  • Love is always an option when it comes to you and your teen. 
  • Love is a simple choice with no down side. 

BONUS #2 Trust Yourself 100%

  • The other day I was on a group coaching call in the Impact Parenting Program, and I was talking about BEing a “perfect” parent.
  • Someone told me that they would never use the example of a perfect parent because there is so much shame around whether or not you are perfect. 
  • I get it, “mom guilt” and “dad shame” are a thing, but THEY ARE OPTIONAL! 
  • What if you believed that you were the PERFECT parent? How would you feel? How would you act? How would you BE?
  • This might sound boastful, BUT . . . 
  • . . . I believe that I am the PERFECT dad for my family. 
  • I know tons of people who would disagree. They might say, “Ben SUCKS! He’s the worst dad I’ve ever seen.”
  • BUT, when I trust that I am the perfect dad for my family, if feel confident, and I have my own back. I show up and do my very best. I trust that my best is good enough and exactly what is needed in the moment. 
  • Others might see me at my best and think, “That’s the opposite of perfect parenting.”
  • It doesn’t matter what they think. 
  • I am still doing my best. 
  • I can take any parenting situation and turn it into the best situation possible. 
  • Sometimes that looks like me apologizing for parenting unintentionally or out of alignment with my values. 
  • Even when I make “mistakes,” that is the perfect opportunity for me to be an example of someone who is doing their very best. It’s an opportunity for me to apologize. It’s an opportunity for me to learn and grow!
  • This is why I’m the perfect dad. 
  • And when I believe this, I have my back and I show up with full confidence, which is way easier than always doubting and second guessing myself, and worrying that I’m not good enough. 

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