You are not your thoughts; you are the thinker of your thoughts, and understanding this gives you power over your thoughts.
You Can’t Stop Thinking!
Because you are human, your brain is constantly at work, whether you are awake or asleep, whether you are concentrating or daydreaming, your brain is constantly thinking.
The goal of coaching isn’t to turn off your brain or to even control your thoughts.
The goal is to be able to be aware of your thoughts and to have the power to manage your thoughts.
You CANNOT control all of your thoughts.
My coach, Brooke Castillo, teaches that we have 60,000 thoughts per day. I recently read that 85% of our 60,000 thoughts are negative and that 95% of our daily thoughts are simply habitual thoughts that are repeated from day to day.
We can’t control all 60,000 thoughts, but you do have power over your thoughts.
My coach, Jim Fortin, teaches that “You are where your attention is.” He also teaches, “You are not at the mercy of your circumstances. You are at the mercy of your interpretations.”
You might not be able to control all 60,000 thoughts, but you can choose where you place your attention. You can choose how you interpret things.
To gain power over your thoughts, you need to first be aware of what’s actually going on.
There are Different Types of Thoughts
This is not an all-inclusive list. These are just a few common thoughts.
- These are thoughts that we believe to be true. Many of our beliefs are unconscious beliefs, meaning we think them without even being aware of them.
- These unconscious beliefs have the power to drive and influence our thinking patterns.
- Interpretations and Judgements
- Interpretations are how we apply meaning to our circumstances.
- Nothing has meaning until we give it meaning.
- Oftentimes we think our interpretations are factual.
- We have the power to choose our interpretations.
- Judgments are based on our interpretations of what is good/bad, right/wrong, desired/undesired, etc.
- Interpretations and judgments are influenced by our beliefs.
- Worries and Fears
- These are thoughts that make us feel anxious, worried, and afraid.
- Our brains have evolved to find and focus on the negative (I call this catastrophizing).
- I recently read that 85% of our thoughts are negative.
- Desire and Gratitude
- These or the things that we want. You cannot want something without thinking about it.
- Gratitude is wanting what you have.
- Habitual Thoughts
- These are thoughts that you think without even thinking about it. These thoughts are habits.
- Herd Mentality
- Thoughts and beliefs that you have adopted as your own because they are the thoughts and beliefs of your herd.
- It’s part of human nature to think similar to those around you.
YOU, Your Thoughts, Models, and Ways of BEing
Your thoughts drive your model.
Your thoughts reflect your way of BEing.
This is why it is so important to BE the thinker of your thoughts.
As the thinker, you have the power to move your attention from unintentional thoughts to intentional thoughts.
The thoughts you choose to place your attention on determines your identity.
What you think and how you feel about yourself is your identity.
This is how the Self-Coaching Model and the Be, Do, Have Model go hand in hand.
How you think and feel is your way of BEing.
The Self-Coaching Model and the Be, Do, Have Model or tools to help you understand and be intentional with your attention.
Are You the Hero of Your Stories?
The stories you tell reflect your thoughts.
Stories show up in how we talk to others and how we talk to ourselves.
I call the stories in your own head your personal narrative.
It’s important to be aware of these stories and how they impact our lives.
In your stories, you can either show up as the hero or the victim.
If you’re like most parents, you’ve been guilty of positioning yourself as the victim from time to time.
This usually looks like blaming others and/or complaining about others. This looks like focusing on things outside of your control.
When you position yourself as the hero, you take responsibility and you focus on things within your control.
The stories you allow yourself to tell impact how you feel and act.
Your stories create your reality.
Thought Disrupter Steps/Dialog
- Be aware of the thought.
- “This is simply a thought.”
- Distance yourself from the thought.
- “This is just a thought. It’s NOT me!”
- Acknowledge that the thought has served you in the past, but that is not serving you now.
- “Thinking, “My teen is ruining his life,” has helped me be aware of potential dangers, but it is ruining my relationship with him now.”
- Dismiss the thought.
- “I dismiss this thought NOW!”
- Move your attention to the new/intentional thought.
- “I move my attention to the thought that his experiences will work for his good and growth (new/intentional thought).”
Jim Fortin teaches, “You are where your attention is.”
Where is Your Attention?
You have the power to choose where you will place your attention.
Call to ACTION!
#1 Come join me in the Firmly Founded Parent Membership!
#2 Come hang out with us at our Firmly Founded Family Fall Festival on October 9th, 2021 from 4:00 – 7:00 pm MST.