#075 Three Steps to Self-Care!

Only you can meet your needs! If you’re waiting for others to meet your needs, you’ve positioned yourself as the victim.

Put On YOUR Oxygen Mask FIRST!

If you’re like most parents, you’ve been guilty of putting everybody else’s needs above your own.

I get it.

We live in a culture that praises self-sacrifice as noble.

If you’re like most parents, you’ve probably bragged about some of the sacrifices that you’ve made for your children.

Sacrificing for your loved ones isn’t the problem.

The problem is when you take care of the needs of others at the expense of your own needs.

This is a huge problem because if you don’t take care of your needs, who will?

If you don’t take care of your needs, you have less power to help and serve others.

If you’ve ever traveled by plane, you’ve been instructed to put your oxygen mask on before helping others.

If you want to be the parent of your dreams, YOU NEED TO MAKE YOUR SELF-CARE A PRIORITY!

Only YOU Can Know Your Needs

One of the things parents tell me, especially mothers, is . . .

. . . “I don’t even know what my needs are.”

I get it.

You’ve spent your whole life as a parent focusing on the needs of your children, and possibly your spouse, and you’ve forgotten how to focus on YOU.

Only you can know your needs.

No one else can figure your needs out for you.

So I want to invite you to make identifying and meeting your needs a priority.

Reconnect with YOU

The best way to identify and understand your needs is to reconnect with yourself.

To reconnect with yourself, explore powerful questions like:

  • “What are my “needs” and why?”
  • “What are my wants and why?” 
  • “What am I feeling and why?”
  • “How are these feelings impacting me?” 
  • “When am I at my best as a parent?” 
  • “How do I want to BE as a parent?”
  • “What supports me BEing at my best?”

As you reconnect with yourself you will start to shift your focus back to things within your control.

You will start to understand what helps you BE at your best as a parent.

Here are some examples from my own life. 

  • I need food, clothing, sleep, and love. 
  • I want my family, my home, my business, and to help people. 
  • When I feel stress, anger, and/or fear it impacts how I parent.
    • It makes me snappy, controlling, and critical. 
  • I’m at my best as a parent when I’m calm, curious, and interested. 
  • I want to be kind, caring, loving, and fun. 
  • Here are some things that help me be at my best.
    • Exercise
    • Studying scriptures
    • Praying and meditating
    • Getting 7-8 hours of sleep
    • Managing my mind with thought downloads and models. 
    • Setting my intention for the day. 

Make YOU A Priority

Like I said earlier, ONLY YOU can meet your needs.

I invite you to make YOU and your needs a priority.

One of my clients said, “But it feels so SELFISH!”

Let me show you her unintentional model.

Circumstance ~ Self-Care
Thought ~ Putting my needs first is selfish.
Feeling ~ Guilt
Action ~ Sacrifice my self-care
Result ~ Resent my family.

Because she believed it was selfish, she felt guilt which caused her to “sacrifice” her self-care for her family, which caused her to resent her family.

Circumstance ~ Self-Care
Thought ~ When I take care of myself, I’m a better mom.
Feeling ~ Love
Action ~ Spend alone time away from kids.
Result ~ Love my kids and family.

When she thought about her self-care making her a better mom, she felt love (for herself), which fueled her action of addressing her needs, which resulted in her loving her family more.

Self-Care Increases Self-Love

As you improve your self-care, you will also increase your self-love.

I believe that you love the people you serve.

I invite you to look at self-care as serving yourself.

As you take care of yourself, you will grow to love yourself even more.

Your ability to love others reflects your ability to love yourself!

How to Implement Your Self-Care!

  1. Connect with yourself
    • Take time to find, explore, and identify your needs.
    • Connect with who you are and who you want to be.
    • Identify what helps you BE the very best version of yourself
  2. Make your self-care a priority
    • No one can do this for you.
    • It has to be YOUR priority!
    • Trust that this will help you be the VERY BEST version of yourself.
    • The more you serve yourself the more you will love yourself.
  3. Love yourself
    • The more you love yourself the more you can love others.
    • The better you serve yourself the better you can serve others.
    • Your ability to love others is a reflection of your ability to love yourself!

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