#082 Your Teen’s Model

If you try to control your teen’s model, they will hate The Model and they won’t understand its power in their life.

Don’t Try To Force The Model On Your Teen

One of the most powerful tools that I teach is the Self-Coaching Model!

When I teach it to parents they love it and say it makes total sense.

Usually when I teach it to teens the model they love it.

But, I’ve noticed a trend with teens whose parents are coaches or who have coaches.

Oftentimes, these teens tell me, “I hate the model!”

Every time this has happened, it’s because their parents have tried to force the model on them or tried to get them to change their model somehow.

I totally get it.

I love the model. It’s so powerful.

I want all teens to know, understand, and use this tool, ESPECIALLY my teen.

If you’re like me, and most other parents, you’ve tried to get your teen to understand the model.

The problem comes when you try to get your teen to change their model when they don’t want to and/or aren’t ready to change their model.

I love parents teaching the model! I love parents talking their teens through the model.

My warning is this . . .

. . . Don’t try to force the model on your teen.

. . . Don’t try to change your teen with the model.

If you do, they are likely to hate it.

So, How Can You Help Your Teen Learn The Model?

Understand that the model is at work in your teen’s life whether they know it or not. Whether they accept it or not. Whether they like it or not.

One of the most powerful ways that you can help your teen learn the model is by managing your own model.

Another way is by realizing that you only change the circumstance of your teen’s model.

The biggest thing is, manage your model and let your teen manage theirs.

Be Open To Your Teen’s Thoughts

One of the things that I teach people to help them use the model is to do thought downloads.

When it comes to your teen’s model, you can be a powerful tool for helping them do thought downloads.

One of the biggest mistakes that I see parents making is that when their teens try to share their thoughts with them, the parents try to change their teen’s thoughts by telling them, “Don’t think like that,” or “Don’t talk like that.”

When I teach people to do thought downloads, I tell them it’s important to be aware of ALL of your thoughts.

When your teen is complaining to you or venting to you, or just telling you what they are worried about, see this as them doing a thought download with you. You are their paper, and they are just pouring out their thoughts to you.

Validate Their Feelings

Emotional Health is the ability to feel any and ALL emotions and to identify and process them.

Far too many parents try to manage their teen’s emotions.

The parents are worried that their “teen can’t handle this.” We try to get them to avoid or change their emotions from what they are actually feeling.

This is actually the opposite of emotional health as it is encouraging the teens to only feel certain emotions and to avoid identifying and processing the feeling.

Give Them Autonomy to Take Action

It’s hard to see your teen do things that you completely disagree with. I totally get it. I’m a human and a parent too. It’s hard, but you CAN’T control your teen. It’s not your job to make sure that they “behave” or act “appropriately”.

What you can do is give them the space, autonomy, and confidence to act on their own.

Sure, you may still have to enforce some boundaries and consequences, but it’s powerful to remember that you don’t have to control your teen’s actions.

By giving them the autonomy to act on their own, they get to own their actions and create their own results.

Trust and Let Them Own Their Results

One of the things I see parents doing is blaming themselves for their teen’s results. This takes power away from your teen. If you want to give power back to your teen, respect their results. Let them own it.

Another problem that I see is parents catastrophizing about their teen’s results, believing the their results are “wrong” or “bad” or that their results should be different.

Your teen is the only one who can create their results!

Trust that their results are theirs and that their results are exactly what they need.

Manage Your Own Model

Bottom line is this, MANAGE YOUR OWN MODEL!

You can’t control your teen’s model, and any effort trying to control their model is simply wasted energy that could be spent managing your own model.

I promise you, if you want to improve your relationship with your teen, do your own mental and emotional work. Practice connecting with your teen right where they are.

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