If you have a teen athlete, this podcast is for you and for them.
If you don’t have a teen athlete, you can still listen because these principles are true in parenting as well.
Every year I coach a handful of elite athletes who want to take their game to the next level.
Often times, these are athletes who used to play at a high level, but for some reason, they’ve started struggling and falling behind.
Other times, these are athletes who struggle to manage their emotions when things go wrong on the field or court, and they throw fits, put their head down and sulk, or stop trying or executing at a high level.
I’m going to share 7 secrets that might be holding your teen back in their sport.
If I were to work with your teen, I’d help them identify ONE THING to start working on.
Don’t try to tackle every single one all at once.
And, if you’re a teen listening to this episode, it’s probably because you care about your sport, and you want to improve. That’s an awesome spot to start!
#1 Overthinking in Sports
#2 Focusing On Things Outside of Your Control
#3 Trying to Manage OTHER’S Models Instead of Your Own
#4 Blaming Others/Making Excuses
This goes hand in hand with everything that we’ve talked about so far.
Blaming others, making excuses, these are forms of overthinking.
It’s also focusing on something or someone outside of your control, and it’s focusing on someone else’s model.
Blaming and excuse making is one of the most disempowering thing that you can do as a teen athlete.
Actually it’s pretty disempowering to parents too!
Fortunately there’s an empowering opposite to blaming and excuse making and it’s called RESPONSIBILITY.
Taking responsibility is empowering because it gives you power over whatever your truly responsible for.
If you blame or make excuses, you avoid the power of responsibility and you give your power away.
If you missed a tackle or a pass or a shot, you can’t go back in time and undo it, but you can be responsible for addressing it and being better prepared in the future.
If you watch game film, watch it with an eye looking for opportunities for you to be responsible.
This is what separates elite athletes from average athletes.
Average athletes keep making the same mistakes over and over and never grow because they blame their actions on others or because they have excuses.
Elite athletes see their mistakes as opportunities for growth.
They own their mistakes and the responsibility to fix them.
#5 Taking Things Personal
I see this happening with teen athletes and also with parents.
When things happen to them that they don’t like, they take it personally and make it mean something negative about them.
This also happens when athletes have their sport wrapped up in their identity.
If you think that you’re cool, or good looking, or important and needed because of your sport, you run the risk of taking things personal.
The secret is, don’t take anything personal.
Even if you mess up and lose the game for your team, it’s not personal. It doesn’t mean anything about you as an individual and as a person.
When I hear athletes complaining that a coach or ref was picking on the, or just doesn’t like them, it says to me that they are taking things personally.
They’re interpreting their circumstances to mean something about them, and it’s not helpful.
The truth is, if you want to be an elite athlete, YOU’RE GOING TO MAKE MISTAKES!
There’s no way around it. Sports are designed to push your limits and to force mistakes.
So, don’t take things personally.
If you miss a tackle, don’t tell yourself something like, “I suck” or “I’m never going to be good enough.”
Instead, think things like, “At least I was in the game,” or “If I’m not in a position to mess up, I’m not in a position to win.”
In addition to this, your identity has very little to do with the sport you play and how well you play it.
Sure, there are connections, but your sport could be taken from you in an instant.
Your identity can never be taken away.
Sure, you might be a stud on the football field, but who do you want to be on a deeper level.
Understanding this will help you weather the storms that come with your sport and help you not take things personally.
#6 Doubting Yourself
Here are a couple of secrets that I think everyone, especially teen athletes, should know.
#1 Human beings are heard animals.
And, #2 humans are attracted to confident people.
So, what do these have to do with sports?
Good question.
As herd animals, human beings are really good at reading each others emotional state.
This helps us avoid danger and surround ourselves with others like us.
The problem is, without really knowing it, humans are really good at mirroring the emotional state of those around them.
If you’re not confident in yourself, your coach is likely to mirror that back to you.
If you doubt yourself, others around you will mirror that back to you.
And, people are naturally drawn to others who are confident.
If you doubt yourself, you’re basically repelling others, while attracting predictors, like bullies.
So, one of the most powerful things you can do is to have and develop confidence in yourself.
BE Confident!
I don’t mean that you fake it and be cocky.
I mean that you trust your ability to learn and acquire skills.
Trust that the only way to grow your athletic skills is to be pushed to your limit.
You’ll start to see mistakes and failure as simply part of the process.
Also, confidence is build upon success.
Want to be more confident, build more successes.
I recommend doing this during the off season in the weight room and in scrimmages.
These are opportunities to build little successes.
Going from a 225 lbs. bench to a 300 lbs. bench in the off season is a success that will give you confidence.
Developing new skills in scrimmages will boost your confidence.
Learning new aspects of your game will build your confidence.
#1 thing, given the option to play scared or confident, choose to be confident.
#7 Failing to Practice
Everyone knows that to be an elite athlete, you need to practice your sport.
The thing no one’s talking about is practicing BEING and elite athlete!
This goes beyond practicing a few hours a day, a few days a week, for a few months.
This is a way of life.
More than being a good football player, this is crafting the identity of being the best version of you possible.
So, when your in the most boring class ever, probably math, science or English, ask yourself, “What kind of a person do I want to be? If I were on the football field or basketball court, what kind of effort would I want to give?”
Most teen athletes are willing to work way harder in their favorite sport than they are in their least favorite class.
But, how you do one thing is how you do everything.
If you only give half effort in your math class because you think it’s boring, you’ll only give half effort when you think your sport or off season is boring.
It’s in the moment of being in a “boring” class that gives you an opportunity to practice BEING the athlete that you want to be.
And, if you find ways to turn little everyday moments into opportunities to practice, you’ll completely elevate your game.
Back-To-School Special
Right now, you can access the Impact Parenting Membership for only $27 for your first month.
If you have a teen athlete, this podcast is for you and for them.
If you don’t have a teen athlete, you can still listen because these principles are true in parenting as well.
Every year I coach a handful of elite athletes who want to take their game to the next level.
Often times, these are athletes who used to play at a high level, but for some reason, they’ve started struggling and falling behind.
Other times, these are athletes who struggle to manage their emotions when things go wrong on the field or court, and they throw fits, put their head down and sulk, or stop trying or executing at a high level.
I’m going to share 7 secrets that might be holding your teen back in their sport.
If I were to work with your teen, I’d help them identify ONE THING to start working on.
Don’t try to tackle every single one all at once.
And, if you’re a teen listening to this episode, it’s probably because you care about your sport, and you want to improve. That’s an awesome spot to start!
#1 Overthinking in Sports
There’s a current trend in high school sports where coaches talk about wanting “Smart Athletes,” who can think in games.
I get it.
I also want smart athletes who can think and problem solve, but there’s got to be the right balance.
If you try to think too much and over analyze yourself and your opponent, you will slow yourself down.
When I talk to coaches and athletes, if they talk about being too slow, or being late, or a step behind, these are usually indicators that you’re over thinking.
Thinking in sports slows you down.
There’s definitely a time and a place for thinking.
Thinking is very important in sports, but OVERTHINKING will slow you down and hold you back!
There are some things that I help teens do to help them get out of their heads and stop overthinking that might help you too.
Identify when it’s appropriate to think in your sport.
With my football players, I always talk about making pre-snap reads and decisions. There’s a few seconds before the snap that the team can think, communicate, and make decisions, but once the ball is snapped, I don’t want them thinking, I want them focused and springing into action.
Identify times where you are more likely to overthink.
Maybe it’s at the free throw line, or during the last few minutes or seconds of a game. Maybe it’s right after, or right before, you got beat by your opponent.
Practice being In The Flow
The best athletes don’t over think. They get in the flow. They’re focused on their job, they execute their job, thinking is minimal and they react instinctually, lightning fast.
#2 Focusing On Things Outside of Your Control
In every sports there are things that are controllable and uncontrollable.
One of the biggest mistakes you can make as an athlete is focusing on the uncontrollable things.
If arguing with a ref, you’re probably focusing on an uncontrollable.
If you’re beating yourself up for a missed block, shot, field goal, tackle, anything in the past, you’re focusing on an uncontrollable.
These are part of the game and part of life.
You will always have a choice to be made in sports and in life as to where you place your attention.
If you focus on things outside of your control, the uncontrollables, you will not be able to focus on the things within your control, the controllables.
This is a skill that I want you to practice well before you get into a game, and then continue practicing during games.
One of the exercises I have my teen clients do is to usually before or after a game is to come up with a T-Chart of Control.
This is simply a t-chart where you identify things from the game that you can control on the left side and things that you can’t control on the right side.
On the left, you might list things like:
My effort
My discipline
My attitude
My execution
On the right, you might list things like:
The refs
The crowd
The other team
Your team mates
Your coach
The past
This one is HUGE! You can’t go back in time and change the past. If you’re dwelling on the past, you’re over thinking and your focusing on an uncontrollable.
This is one of the most effective ways to up your game as a teen athlete, BUT it takes some work and some sacrifices.
If you, your parents, your coaches, or your team mates are complaining about the refs, things in the past, anything that’s an uncontrollable, you’re focusing on things outside of your control and your need to start practicing the skill of shifting your attention NOW! Leave the conversation.
#3 Trying to Manage OTHER’S Models Instead of Your Own
This one takes a little bit of background knowledge, and it’s a little deep, so hopefully I don’t lose you.
If I do, just ask your mom to help you get this.
I teach a tool called the Self-Coaching Model.
This is a tool to help you be aware of how you think, feel, and act, and how that creates your results.
To quickly break the model down, it’s made up of 5 components:
Circumstances
These are factual, often out of your control, neutral things.
Thoughts
This is how your interpret your circumstances.
Feelings
This is how you feel about your circumstances. Your feelings are created by your thoughts.
Actions
Our feelings drive our actions and behaviors. These are the things that we do.
Results
The results that we get in life or in a game are created by our actions, feelings, and thoughts.
I teach people how to manage their own models.
And, one of the biggest mistakes I see teen athletes make, and parents of teens too, is trying to control somebody else’s model.
This means that your trying to control how an other person thinks, feels, acts, and the results that they create.
The problem with this is that you CAN’T control someone else’s model, and if you try, you’re NOT controlling your own model.
Where I see this in sports is when players try to manage their coaches model, or sometimes a teammate or a referee.
If you’re worried about what you coach thinks or feels about you, you’re giving away your power.
If you’re worried about a “bad” call from a referee, and your arguing with them, you’re trying to manage the action line of their model.
This will take away from your power to manage your own model.
It’s not your job to make your coach like you.
It’s not your job to make your coach happy.
If you try, you will not be YOU.
As an athlete, you need to focus on you and your model and doing your job.
Come Back Next week to hear about the rest of the the Secrets!
Back-To-School Special
Right now, you can access the Impact Parenting Membership for only $27 for your first month.
First off, I think you should know that teens all over the US are dreading returning to school.
If you’re teen is feeling anxious and they are dreading school, this episode is for you.
If you’re teen is excited and ready to return to school, you can still implement everything you hear in this episode to help your teen make this school year great.
So, to be clear, if your teen is dreading the upcoming school year, you and your teen are not alone.
In fact, if you or your teen have had a negative experience with school, it’s natural to feel anxious when it comes to school.
This episode will hopefully help you and your teen be better prepared for the upcoming school year.
Tips For You and Your Teen
I’m going to share some of my best tips with you to help you and your teen.
Please don’t feel like you have to implement every single one of these tips.
Just find what works for you.
#1 Start Things Off with a Family Meeting
I LOVE family meetings.
They sound intimidating, but they can be fun and super powerful, and they’re actually really simple.
Family meetings are a powerful tool to help you and your teen communicate about life, about what’s working and what’s not.
It’s a skill to be practiced and developed.
If you start now, when trouble arises, you’ll already have this skill ready and handy to use in a tough situation.
#2 Develop Emotional Intelligence
If your teen is DREADING going back to school, this is an opportunity to develop some emotional intelligence.
Help your teen understand what they’re feeling and why they’re feeling it.
This simple practice has the power to lessen the discomfort of unwanted emotions.
Also, when you understand what your feeling and why, that helps you have the power to do something about it.
#3 Find Ways to Give Your Teen Power
One of the biggest mistakes that I see parents making is trying to solve your teen’s problems for them.
This takes power away from your teen. Instead, help them come up with solutions for their own problems.
Help them own what they feel and why they’re feeling it.
#4 Keep School In The Proper Perspective
Schools, principals, school counselors, anyone pushing school is going to tell you that school is the most important thing ever.
You and your teen might be operating from the belief that school is the most important thing ever and that you have to get perfect grades and make the honor roll, and go to all the social activities, and everything, and that’s just not true.
School is what you want school to be.
Keep school in perspective.
You get to choose how you look at school.
#5 Improve Your Relationship with Your Teen
This is the one back to school secret that nobody is talking about.
Your relationship with your teen has a huge impact on how your teen does in school and after school and after they leave your home.
Want to help your teen have a good school year?
Create an impactful relationship with your teen.
Back-To-School Special
Right now, you can access the Impact Parenting Membership for only $27 for your first month.
