If you’re like most parents, you probably want to have a positive impact in your teen’s life.
If you don’t want to have a positive impact in your teen’s life, you’re listening to the wrong podcast.
If you’re wanting to change your teen, control your teen, or fix your teen, you’re probably not having the impact that you’d like to have on your teen, because those ways of parenting will have a negative impact on your teen.
So, I wanted to share with you the 7 most powerful things that I see IMPACTFUL Parents doing. If you’re in my membership, IMPACT, you’ve seen parents do this. In fact, you might be one of the parents that I’m referencing. If you’re not in the membership yet, this will get you started down the path of having a powerful impact on your teen’s life.
This is one of my favorite things to teach inside the membership, and it’s one of the easiest concepts to understand.
Picture this: a simple T-Chart. On top, you write down a specific circumstance, (ex. Johnny is failing math.) On the left hand side it says, “Things I CAN Control.” On the right hand side it says, “Things I CAN’T Control.” Simple, right? Now, you go to work filling out the T-Chart. On the right hand side, you write down all the things you CAN’T control, like: I can’t control whether or not he does is homework. I can’t control whether or not he turns it in. I can’t control whether or not he sleeps through class. I can’t control whether or not he likes math. I can’t control whether or not he talks in class. I can’t control what his teacher thinks about him. And the list could go on and on.
Then we fill out the left side, what I CAN control. It might look like this: I can control whether or not I talk to him. I can control whether or not I email his teacher. I can control what I think about it. I can control how I feel. I can control how I behave.
You see, impactful parents shift their attention and their energy from things outside of their control, to the things within their control, and then they ONLY Control the Controllables!!
If you want to be more IMPACTFUL, control ONLY the controllables!
#6 Practice On the Top of The Wheel
This is one of the most underutilized practices in the world. Everyone wants to change and improve, but nobody’s willing to practice.
Being the parent of your dreams can be hard. You’re going to mess it up. So, get some more reps under your belt by practicing.
Want to be better? Practice, practice, PRACTICE! Repetition is the mother of all learning. It can be hard to change because you’re working against old programming. Creating lasting change means creating new programming. Creating new programming takes practice and developing new neural pathways.
And, make sure to practice when your at the top of the wheel. It will be easier. It will be more impactful, and it will be accompanied by more positive emotion.
Want to parent differently than everyone else? Want to have more impact? Practice your parenting during top of the wheel moments!
#7 Model the BEhavior they Want to See
Here’s a little secret that no one wants to admit, but we all know it. Your teen ISN’T listening to you, but they are WATCHING you!
The most powerful thing that you can do to have a powerful impact in your teen’s life is to MODEL the behavior you want to see in your teen’s in your own life.
BE The Change You Want to See!
One of the biggest mistakes parents make, including me, and probably you too, is demonstrating the exact behavior you want to eliminate from your teen. For example, have you ever yelled at your teen for yelling at people? Or, have you ever hit your teen for hitting a younger sibling? Or, have you ever criticized your teen for being too critical.
It’s okay if you’ve ever made any of these mistakes. It’s simply part of our herd animal programming. It natural to mirror others, which is important, so remember the idea of MIRRORING! If you’re teen’s grumpy and yelling at you, it’s natural to be grumpy right back and yell at them. This is mirroring.
BUT, if you can be intentional and MODEL the BEhavior you want to see in your teen, chances are that they will MIRROR YOU! It might not be immediately, and it might not be until they themselves are a parent, dealing with a teen who’s awfully similar to how they were as a teen, that they revert back to what they saw you do, but by modeling the behavior, you are giving them an example of how to be.
Want to parent for more impact? BE the parent of your dreams and model that behavior!
SPECIAL Bonus: Let Your IDENTITY Be Your Guide!
Last, but not least. Be aware of your identity. Who are you? Who do you want to be? Let that identity be the beacon in the distance that draws you closer, the compass that guides you along the way. Inside the membership, I teach parents how to create their own 10 Word Vision Statement for themselves to guide them in their parenting.
Take time to define who you want to be as a parent. Take time to imagine what that would look like. Visualize it and feel what it would feel like to be you. From that emotional state, move forward with action or inaction, but let your intentional emotions fuel your behaviors.
This is one of the most powerful things that impactful parents do differently!
Want to Master the Inner Game of Parenting?
Step 1 – Go take the parent trap quiz!
It’s free, easy, and will take you less than 3 minutes.
Step 2 – Use your quiz results to focus your energy on growing in the area indicated by your quiz results.
Step 3- Come work with me to help you up level your parenting!
If you’re like most parents, you probably want to have a positive impact in your teen’s life.
If you don’t want to have a positive impact in your teen’s life, you’re listening to the wrong podcast.
If you’re wanting to change your teen, control your teen, or fix your teen, you’re probably not having the impact that you’d like to have on your teen, because those ways of parenting will have a negative impact on your teen.
So, I wanted to share with you the 7 most powerful things that I see IMPACTFUL Parents doing. If you’re in my membership, IMPACT, you’ve seen parents do this. In fact, you might be one of the parents that I’m referencing. If you’re not in the membership yet, this will get you started down the path of having a powerful impact on your teen’s life.
IMPACTFUL Parents Do This . . .
#1 Enjoy the Journey
I was talking with a mom the other day who told me something along the lines of, “I can’t wait until my teenager moves out of the house.” In her mind, she’s focused on the destination, her teen leaving home, and thinking that then she’ll be able to enjoy life. I’m sorry to break it to you, but you’re going to look back and miss the journey.
So, find ways to enjoy the journey. Embrace the process. Appreciate the struggles and the growth. Make the journey and adventure, a fun road trip, a party with a purpose.
Want to BE and impactful parent? Enjoy the journey!!
#2 Make Connection the Priority
This one can be tricky. A lot of parents who are stuck in the “Controlling parent trap” are making correction or compliance the priority, and as a result, their connection with their teen is suffering.
Your connection with yourself also plays a powerful role in your connection with your teen. If you don’t fully love yourself, it will be hard to fully love your teen. Let me give you an example. Say your teen comes to you and says, “Mom, can I have $10?” If you don’t have $10, it’s going to be hard to give your teen $10. And, if you’re like me, your teen’s are often asking for more than $10.
Bottom line is, you can’t give something that you yourself don’t have. If you want a better connection with your teen, start by building a better connection with yourself. Make connection the priority. Ask yourself empowering questions like, “How is my own connection?” or “How could I better connect with myself?” or “How could I better connect with my teen?”
Want more impact in your teen’s life? Create deeper connection!
#3 See Opportunities when Others See Obstacles
We live in a world that loves obstacles. Obstacles give us excuses to quit, or to not reach our potential. Seeing obstacles is easier and safer than seeing opportunities. Opportunities can be challenging, difficult, and scary, but that’s a powerful mindset to operate from as a parent.
In my membership, I teach about the difference between the Hero mindset and the Victim mindset. We’re not going to go into that whole thing, but understand that if you’re getting hung-up on the obstacles, your in the victim mentality. If you’re programmed to see the opportunities, you’re in the hero mentality.
We live in a world where most people focus on the obstacle. Most parents are stuck in the victim trap, but if you want to have a profound impact on your teen’s life practice being in the hero mindset.
I’m not saying that you won’t see obstacles. What I’m saying is that you’ll start seeing obstacles and opportunities as the same thing, just viewed through different lenses. Obstacles and opportunities are simply different sides of the exact same coin.
When you see an obstacle, like “My teen’s failing math”, find an opportunity. “I’m going to order some pizza, and we’re going to work on math together while having a pizza party together.” Every obstacle is an opportunity if you choose to find it.
Want to have more impact in your teen’s life, and be way happier? Start interpreting obstacles as opportunities.
#4 Manage Their Own Model
If you’ve listened to me for a while, or followed other coaches who teach the Self-Coaching Model like Brooke Castillo, Jody Moore, or Marika Humphreys (my personal coach at the moment), you are familiar with the concept of Circumstances, Thoughts, Feelings, Actions, and Results.
I love the Self-Coaching Model. I teach it inside the membership. One of the biggest problems that I see when it comes to the Self-Coaching Model, and coaches are the worst at this! So if you’re a life coach yourself, listen up!
The biggest mistake that I see when it comes to the Self-Coaching Model is trying to manage or manipulate someone else’s model.
Let’s all just agree to stop doing this!
You can only manage your own model. It’s your teen’s job to manage theirs, your spouses job to manage theirs, your bosses job to manage theirs, and your mother-in-laws job to manage hers.
The better you get at managing your own Self-Coaching Model, the better you will model how to manage your own model, and the better you will demonstrate the benefits of managing your own model.
Want more impact on your teen’s life? Manage your own model.
#5 Control ONLY Their Controllables (Next Week’s Episode)
#6 Practice On the Top of The Wheel (Next Week’s Episode)
#7 Model the BEhavior They Want to See (Next Week’s Episode)
SPECIAL Bonus: (Next Week’s Episode)
Want to Master the Inner Game of Parenting?
Step 1 – Go take the parent trap quiz!
It’s free, easy, and will take you less than 3 minutes.
Step 2 – Use your quiz results to focus your energy on growing in the area indicated by your quiz results.
Step 3- Come work with me to help you up level your parenting!
One of the things that both parents and teens struggle with is accepting when things aren’t perfect and when things don’t turn out how they wanted them to.
Imperfection Is Part of Being Human
One of the things that I see all the time with both my teen clients and my parent clients is frustration about not being “better.”
If you’re like many of my clients, you have been frustrated with yourself for not being “better.”
Maybe you yelled at your teen, and you wish you could go back in time and unsay some of the things you said.
Maybe you didn’t handle a situation with your spouse exactly how you wanted to, or maybe you made a mistake and you’re having to live with the consequences.
WE ALL MAKE MISTAKES!
No one is perfect. That is part of being human.
Being imperfect is part of being a parent.
So now what?
Your Best IS Good Enough!
I want to help you trust that your best IS good enough.
In fact, it’s better than good enough. It’s all that’s possible, ever.
And, it’s PERFECT!
That’s right, your imperfect parenting is PERFECT for what you and your child need.
So, carry on! Keep doing your best!
Own it! Pat yourself on the back for a job well done and continue on!
I’m Not Perfect, So Now What?
Okay, so we’ve established that being human means that you’re not going to be perfect.
So, now what?
Below, I’m going to share 3 simple things to do when you find yourself being less than “perfect.”
#1 Acceptance, Gratitude, and Love
My childhood wasn’t “perfect”, but it was EXACTLY what I needed.
I’ve made TONS of mistakes in my life, but it turns out those mistakes were EXACTLY what I needed to become me.
In fact, without the exact childhood that I had or all of my mistakes, I wouldn’t be who I am today.
If you’re like me, you wouldn’t be who you are today without the exact childhood that you had.
If you’re like me, without all of your mistakes you wouldn’t be who you are today.
Also if you’re like me, there’s no going back and changing or “fixing” your childhood or undoing your mistakes.
So, you might as well accept it and be grateful for how it’s helped you become the parent you are today.
The problem is, it can be hard to accept our imperfections and mistakes.
It can be even harder to be grateful for our imperfections and mistakes.
But I want to invite you to connect with yourself Right Where You Are! Imperfections and all.
As you develop the skill of accepting yourself as you are, it will be easier to show yourself some gratitude. With gratitude for yourself, it will be easier to show yourself love and kindness.
You have always done your best. You are still doing your best!
And, that’s perfect!
#2 Improve Your Best
One of the things that I’ve noticed as a football coach is that your best at the beginning of the season looks a lot different than your best at the end of the season.
After one season of football, I’ve seen kids grow physically, mentally, and emotionally, and I’ve seen kids grow in their skills and abilities.
You can do the same thing!
Your best today won’t look like your best in a year from now, especially after listening to the podcast, joining the membership, and practicing all of these amazing skills.
Don’t compare yourself to others and don’t compare yourself with this mythical “perfect” version of you.
Just give your best today and continue the work of improving your best.
#3 Enjoy the Process!
This one is very important, and it’s one that lots of parents forget.
Enjoy the process.
There’s nothing wrong with starting right where you are right now. It’s okay that it might take you some time.
Embrace the process and find ways to enjoy it.
In my experience as a football coach, the best football players are the ones who enjoy the process of working to be their best.
On the other hand, the players who constantly compare themselves with others, think they should be further along in the process, or hate being called out by the coach and admitting that there’s room to improve, seldom reach their potential.
When you can enjoy this process, growth is simply part of the journey.
The imperfections and mistakes also become simply part of the journey.
Call to ACTION!
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