I don’t like scripting out my podcast interviews. Their natural, conversation style.
These show notes will not do this episode justice.
If you want all the gold nuggets from this episode, make sure to listen to the episode!
What is Your Parenting Identity?
One of the things I’ve realized is that if you are struggling to make lasting changes in your life, it is probably because you don’t identify as someone who could make those changes.
Mindset Matters!
Often times, experts, whether in parenting, business, or weight loss focus on the tactics, but they often forget the mindset component.
Mindset is powerful.
How you think determines how you feel, and how you feel determines how you behave.
Managing Your Mind Helps You Parent.
If you want to better connect with your teen, you have to do your own inner work as a parent.
Most parents are reactive and never really take the time to intentionally parent in a way that is true to who they want to be as a parent.
By doing this, you have the power to BE The Change that you want to see.
When you create change on the inside, you will see things change on the outside.
Lasting Change = Doable Change
Most people try to create radical change that is not even who they really want to be.
Corinne mentions that you have to create change that is in line with how you want to live.
If you want to eat pizza and ice cream, you have to figure out how to be someone who eats pizza and ice cream responsibly.
It means figuring out, what can I do TODAY and doing just that.
I want to walk you through my 10 favorite things to teach parents.
In fact, these principles are not only my favorite things to teach, but they are the things that the parents who I work with consistently tell me have had the most impact on their lives.
So, over the next several episodes, you’ll get access to my top 10 favorite principles.
And, I’m going to teach them in the order that I think would be most beneficial to you.
Parenting Doesn’t Have to Be Hard
One of the things that I hear all of the time is that “parenting teens is hard.”
Here’s the thing, parenting teens does not have to be hard.
That is a lie.
In fact, parenting teens can be simple, fun, and super easy.
If you find yourself believing that parenting teens is hard, I want you to explore, “What’s so hard about it?”
If you’re like many parents, it’s because you are trying to change your teen.
And, I believe that the hardest thing to do as a parent is to change your teen.
The reason this is so hard is because it’s impossible.
You cannot change your teen.
Sure, they can change, and it might even be because you asked them to, or grounded them, or got all crazy with them.
But still, YOU cannot change your teen.
And, if you think parenting is hard, it might be because you are trying to change them.
BE the Change
So, here’s the secret.
Quit trying to change your teen and simply BE THE CHANGE you want to see in your teen.
BOOM!
Mic drop.
The END!
This one thing will change EVERYTHING!
I love identifying the ONE THING that will change everything because it makes your job more simple.
You don’t have to do everything to create change.
Just do the one thing.
Change Happens from the INSIDE OUT
I promise you, if you stop trying to change things outside of yourself and start changing yourself, you’ll be amazed at how much things outside of you change.
Now, here’s a warning . . .
. . . NEVER change with the intention of getting someone else to change.
You’ll always be disappointed and disempowered.
Simply change for YOU.
BE The Change You Want To See In Your Teen (or even your spouse).
Your Change will Connect You with Your Teen
Something powerful will happen when you start BEing the change you want to see in your teen.
It will help you connect with your teen.
It will magically improve your relationship with your teen.
You’ll find yourself doing fewer things that are disconnective, like criticizing, trying to change them, and trying to control them.
You’ll also find that you are more empowered and impactful as a parent.
Both Teens and Parents Struggle with This, Including Me
Do you ever worry that you’re not good enough?
I recently heard that one of the biggest fears that hold people back is the fear of not BEING good enough.
As I look back on my life as a teenager, and even my life now as a life coach, I can see how the fear of not being good enough has plagued me from time to time.
Comparison Feels Like Not Being Good Enough?
Recently I was at a business event with my favorite business partner ever, my wife.
At this event, there were coaches who were more established than me, more “successful”, more outgoing, making more money, and more confident than me.
Every time I compared myself to someone else, I worried that I wasn’t good enough.
If you worry that you’re not good enough, you’re probably comparing yourself to someone or something else.
You might be comparing yourself to other parents, to your friends, or maybe even to a mythical version of yourself that doesn’t even exist.
The problem with comparison is that it is never accurate and it is often the reason you feel like you’re not good enough.
Worry About What Others Think
Another thing that might be making you feel like you’re not good enough is worrying about what others think about you.
Recently I spoke to a high school swim team.
One of the things the girls told me was, “I’m constantly anxious because I don’t want to disappoint my parents.”
This anxiousness was holding her back from swimming to her full potential.
Because she was focused on what her parents may or may not be thinking about her, she often didn’t swim as well as she thought she should have.
She was worried about not being good enough, and that was causing her to not be good enough in her mind.
You Are BETTER Than Good Enough
The other day I was speaking with someone and she told me that she had heard someone say, “You are the perfect parent for your children, and your children are the perfect children for you.”
I think she is right on.
You ARE the perfect parent for your teens, in all your imperfection.
And, your teen is the perfect teen for you, in all their imperfection.
Trust that you are actually better than good enough.
You are perfectly matched for your teen, and when you trust this, you will start to see evidence of this all over.
Whether You Are “Good Enough” or Not is Dependent on Your Stories
Henry Ford is famous for saying, “Whether you think you can, or you think you can’t – you’re right,”
The same principle is true here. Whether you think you are “better than good enough” or you think you’re not good enough – you’re right.
So, you might as well shift your focus to find evidence that you are awesome!
Your brain finds what you look for.
If you think you’re not good enough, your brain is going to show you all the things that you think are not good enough about you.
If you think that you are better than good enough, your brain is going to show you all the things that you are doing that are amazing.
You get to choose where you place your attention.
Practice Believing that You are Better than Enough.
You truly are better than simply being good enough.
You are amazing.
You are perfectly imperfect, or imperfectly perfect, either way, you are just the way you are supposed to be.
Does that mean that you have no room for growth?
Of course not. But it does mean that you can stop trying to grow and improve because you think you’re not good enough.
Practice appreciating things about yourself.
Seriously, what makes you special and unique?
What gifts do you have that no one else has?
Practice seeing your value.
Join Me for a Transformational Conversation
I’m going to be hosting another live Transformational Conversation, and I want YOU to join me.
If you have a relationship that you want to improve, you need to better understand how YOU are the creator of your relationships with others, especially your teenager.
Having a transformational conversation is more powerful than simply listening.
Conversations engage the mind. They help you take new thoughts and beliefs to a deeper level.
Come have a transformational conversation with me and other parents just like you, and let’s create some new and powerful beliefs in your parenting in 2023.
This transformational conversation will be live over zoom, face to face, on Wednesday, February 15th at 12:00 pm MST.
Click the button below to find out how to join the conversation.
I recently had a call with a teenage young man and he wanted help breaking old, bad, habits.
I’m restructuring how I do my 1:1 coaching calls to be less scripted and more conversational, so we basically just had this super powerful conversation about habits.
I really loved the insight that he brought to the coaching call, so I’m going to share what I remember with you and invite you to come join a transformational conversation with me to help you change how you approach habits in your life.
I’m super excited for this conversation because during this time of year, most people over focus on goals, which they usually forget about and fail, and they under focus on habits, which is what they really need to accomplish their New Year’s Goals.
I’m going to invite YOU to join me in a transformational conversation about goals in the future. I’ll tell you more at the end of this podcast,
What Makes Breaking Habits Hard for You?
This is a powerful question to explore for yourself.
Seriously, I invite you to ask yourself, literally say this to yourself out loud, “What makes breaking habits hard for me?”
Let you’re mind explore that.
Gain some serious awareness around that.
When I asked this young man that question he told me 3 things.
How long I’ve been doing the habit.
Basically how many times the habit has been repeated.
Repetion is a powerful force when it comes to creating habits.
Your will power.
Basically your desire and determination.
Having too many steps needed to break the habit.
Basically making your new habit too complicated.
I loved those examples that he shared.
Here are the two that I added that we discussed:
Identifying as your habit.
Basically seeing yourself as your habit (for example, “I’m a yeller,” or “I’m a smoker,” or “I’m lazy.”)
The perceived benefit of the habit.
Drinking Diet Dr. Pepper tastes great. You get a dopamine hit.
Yelling at your kids used to get them to listen, respond, change.
As we talked about this he said it was helpful to understand why it can be hard to break habits.
What makes your habits hard to break could be different for you, so make sure to explore this for yourself.
Also, I don’t recommend focusing on breaking bad habits. Instead, I recommend building desired habits.
What Makes Breaking Habits Hard is The Secret To Creating Habits Easily
Now, I want to let you in on a little secret. Whatever it is that makes habits hard for you is the secret for making habits easy for you.
For example, if the amount of times that you’ve repeated a habit makes it harder to break, doing the new desired habit over and over, getting reps in, is the secret to creating a new habit to replace the old one.
You can go through your own list and find ways to apply the list of things making your habits hard to ways that you can make creating new habits easy.
Your Habits Create Your Results
One of the problems that I have with traditional coaching is that they are overly focused on individual actions.
I love the self-coaching model. It’s a powerful tool. But, it’s only focused on individual actions, not habits.
Your habits create your results.
If you want better results, you need better habits.
Learn how to intentionally create your desired habits, and you can learn how to intentionally create the life of your dreams.
Join Me for a Transformational Conversation
I’m going to be hosting two live Transformational Conversations, and I want YOU to join me.
If you have some New Year’s goals, and their mostly on repeat from last year, you need to better understand your habits and what it takes to create new habits.
Having a transformational conversation is more powerful than simply listening.
Conversations engage the mind. They help you take new thoughts and belief to a deeper level.
Come have a transformational conversation with me and other parents just like you, and lets create some new and powerful habits in your parenting in 2023.
These transformational conversations will be live over zoom, face to face, on Thursday, January 12th at 10 am MST and Tuesday, January 24th, at 10 am MST.
Click the button below to find out how to join the conversation.
