Goal Setting - Ben Pugh Coaching

Episode 238: Stop Holding Yourself Back

Are You Holding Yourself Back?

This will be the last podcast episode of 2024. As I’ve thought about the New Year, and this past year, I’ve been exploring my life, where I am, where I’m going, what values are driving me, and what changes I’d like to make in my life, and I came to the realization that I’m holding myself back.

I have goals and dreams when it comes to my physical health, my business, my family, and this morning as I woke up and explored my life, I was able to see specific areas of my life where I’m holding myself back.

If you’re like me, you’re probably holding yourself back in areas of your life too.

Now, here’s the crazy thing about your life, your dreams, and your goals. They’re all connected. For example, I have goals of being physically fit and returning to the athleticism that I enjoyed in my twenties. I also have the dream of having an extremely successful coaching practice where I have other coaches working with me and I help hundreds of thousands of parents and teens.

Now, those two things, my physical health and my life coaching business, may seem unconnected, but the truth is that they are extremely connected. They’re connected by ME, and by me BEing the Me of My Dreams.

Lately, I’ve been feeling the pull to start BEing the man I want to be when it comes to my physical health. I’m not sure exactly how it’s going to impact the dreams that I have for my business, but I know that holding myself back in the realm of my health, is also holding me back in my business.

So, this starting now, and in the New Year, my focus is on setting myself free and BEing the Me of My Dreams!

Stop Blaming and/or Making Excuses

This morning as I was waking up, I had a dream that I was reffing a little league football game. The dream was similar to a real life experience I had this summer, and I feel that I’m meant to share it with you.

This summer, while reffing, one game in particular, the coaches kept blaming the refs, me and another ref, for bad calls or no calls. I tried to explain to the coach exactly what I was looking for and why I wasn’t making the call he was looking for.

Rather than coach up his players and help them be better, he kept blaming “the bad refs”. The more he blamed the refs, the more his players started blaming the refs. Then, the parents started blaming the refs.

Then after the game, I overheard his post game speech, in which he told his players that the loss wasn’t on them, it was on the poor officiating.

The problem with blaming and making excuses is it takes all responsibility from the person doing the blaming and making excuses.

Rather than embracing the opportunity to coach up his players, and help them get better, he told his players, you have no responsibility here. You’re just a victim at the mercy of the refs.

If you want to reach your goals and dreams, catch yourself blaming, making excuses, complaining, or even criticizing. See it for what it is. It’s disempowering. It’s you focusing on someone or something outside of your control. And, it’s holding you back!

BE The Change You Want to See!

If you’re anything like me and the other parents that I work with and that listen to this podcast, there are things in your life that you’d like to change.

Also if you’re like me and other parents here, you’re probably guilty of seeing the changes you’d like to make in your teen.

I want to invite you to BE The Change You Want to See!

I know it sounds simple. I know it sounds like it won’t actually change anything, but I promise you it will change EVERYTHING!

If you feel pulled to improve your health, but you think, “That’s not going to change my relationship with my teen,” or “That’s not going to change my financial situation,” I invite you to trust the pull. Trust your inner wisdom. Take control of the little things that you can control and then wait and see how they impact things outside of your control.

I’ve worked with countless parents who wanted me to somehow change their teens. But, when they took it upon themselves to BE The Change, they were amazed at how much their teen then changed.

BE The Change!

You’ve got this.

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#029 How to shift your mindset: Goal Setting

Change your mindset and it’ll change who you are, change who you are and it’ll change what you do. How you think is the key to everything!

“If you want to live a happy life, tie it to a goal, not to people or things.”
~ Albert Einstein

3 Simple Mindset Shifts

Towards the end of the year and through January, people start talking about goals and making changes in their lives.

Here are 3 common mindsets that hold most people back, along with 3 simple mindsets that will empower you in 2021.

Desire vs Shame

Do you have any New Year’s goals or resolutions?

This time of year, most people say things like, . . .

. . . “I need to lose weight,” or . . .

. . . “I should stop yelling at my kids,” . . .

Or, . . . “I would be better if . . . “

Sure, self-talk like this can be somewhat motivating. The only problem is, these thoughts create shame. Anytime shame is the emotion motivating our actions, we are limited by that emotion.

Instead of letting shame drive your goals, try harnessing the power of desire. Instead of, “I need,” or “I should,” try . . .

“I WANT TO . . . !”

“I want to lose weight”

“I want to walk up the stares without losing my breath.”

“I want to stop yelling at my teen.”

“I want to appreciate my teen.”

Can you feel the difference?

Rather than doing it out of shame, you’re doing it for you, out of desire. When it comes to your goals or resolutions, drop the shame. Do it out of love. Do it out of desire for who you want to be.

This will be a powerful example for your teens. This will also help you change your mindset around what you and your teen “need” to do versus what you “want” them or you to do. This will help you drop the shame when parenting.

Who You Are vs What You Do

Most people in the world think in terms of, “What do I need to do to get . . . ?”

We think our desired result is dependent on our actions, which is true as evidenced by the model.

BUT . . .

Who we are determines what we do. So, rather than focusing on what you do, focus on who you are or who you want to become. This will help you think in terms of, “Who do I need to be to get . . . ?”

Have you ever seen people lose weight because they started a diet or exercise program? Most of them have already gained all the weight back.

Have you ever seen people lose weight because they found a pastime that they were passionate about? Now because they love to hike, or ride bikes, or ride horses, or because they got a medical diagnosis they are a completely different person.

Instead of focusing on what needs to be done, explore who you must be to do those things.

This will help you parent with a new perspective. Rather than focusing on what you’ve done “wrong,” you can focus on who you’ve become. Rather than focusing on your teen’s actions, you can better focus on who they are and who they are becoming.

Who you are is the driving force behind what you do.

Be the person that you want to be.

Achieve more in 2021 by doing LESS!

Seems like everyone has a list of things that they want to do in the upcoming year. From improving relationships to losing weight, to making more money.

There’s one problem . . .

We already spend all of our time doing things. Everything that you add to your “To-Do List” will compete for time with all things that you are already doing.

So, rather than focusing on all the new things that you want to do in 2021, rather than coming up with a list of “To Do’s” try identifying the things that you want to stop doing this year.

What are some areas that take up the most time, energy, resources or money? What if you stopped eating out? How much money, time, and health would that save you?

For example, most people focus adding things like going to the gym, starting a diet, or exercising every day. What if instead of adding any of those things, you found something that would accomplish similar or the same results by reducing the things that you do, like ending the practice of eating out.

Our time, energy, and resources are limited. When we try to achieve more by doing more, it often puts stress on one of those areas.

On the other hand, when we start freeing up time, energy, and resources, it empowers you to double your focus on the areas of your life that are most important.

Try it out this year. Here’s some ideas that I’ve done less of in the past:

Stop eating sugar, flour, and processed food.
- I was able to lose 30 lbs in 5 months without dieting or exercising.
Stop arguing with others.
- I was able to save time and feel better towards others.
Stop eating out.
- This one was huge! It helped me lose weight, get healthier, spend better time with my family, and save money!!
Stop focusing on the negative/problems/obstacles.
- This helped me be happier, empowered, and find the opportunities and the positives in the midst of the negative.

Call to ACTION!

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