I hate to be the one to break this to you, but your teen’s not listening!
I know, if you’re like me and like the parents that I coach, you’ve probably noticed that your teen doesn’t really listen to you as much as you’d like, and yet, if you’re like me you probably spend way to much time trying to tell them stuff when they’re not really listening to you.
“What we are teaches the child far more than what we say, so we must be what we want our children to become.”
~ Joseph Chilton Pearce
Fortunately, there’s a secret that most parents miss, that’s even more powerful than having your teen listen to you.
The secret is this . . .
You’re teen’s not listening, but they are watching you!
~ Ben Pugh
Your Teen IS Watching You!
I promise you, your teen is watching you.
This is one of the most empowering parenting secrets ever!
And, most parents completely miss it because they are so busy falling into the trap or lecturing, yelling, arguing, discussing, pleading, all the things just hoping that their teen will finally listen.
In today’s podcast, we’re going to talk about a few things that you’re modeling to your teen, through your behavior, that you might not be aware of.
This isn’t meant to be mean or hurtful, it’s just to help you open your awareness and understand what you’re modeling for your teen.
Once you have awareness, you now have the power to choose!
Things You’re Modeling for Your Teen, without Knowing
#1 How You Handle Stress
This one is huge. I can’t tell you how many parents have come to me asking me to help their teen better manage their stress. Then, when I talk to the parent, I learn that they struggle handling their stress too, and that’s where their teen learned it from.
This is a powerful place for you to BE The Change you want to see in your teen.
Your teen is watching you and how you handle stress. Do you rise to the occasion? Do you see yourself as bigger than your stressors? Or do you shrink in the face of stress. Do you see your problems as bigger than you?
#2 How You Manage Your Mind and Emotions
I know, this could basically cover the first one. But, it’s slightly different.
Whether you like it or not, whether you feel like you manage your mind and emotions or not, YOU ARE modeling that behavior.
This is powerful to understand. You have the power to manage your mind. You have the power to demonstrate emotional intelligence.
Most parents pass on their beliefs to their kids. They also pass on their same emotional habits. You get to choose what you’ll model when it comes to how you manage your mind and your emotions.
#3 How You Treat Yourself and Others
Again, a lot of parents have asked me to help their teen improve their self-esteem, only to find that it is the parent who needs help with their self-esteem.
How you treat yourself is the model for how your teen will likely treat themselves. How you treat them, will greatly impact how they treat themselves.
Give your teen the gift of modeling how to have a positive relationship with yourself and others.
#4 What You Value
If I were to spend about 5 minutes with you, I could give you a pretty accurate description of your top values. Your values always manifest in your results.
You are modeling your values for your teen.
Many times, your teen will learn to value your values, simply because you value them.
Be intentional about the things you value.
#5 How You Identify Obstacle and Opportunities
If you go through life seeing all the obstacles, but missing all of the opportunities, your teen will likely follow your lead and adopt the victim mindset as their main mindset.
If you practice seen the opportunities that come from the obstacles, your teen will follow your example and adopt the hero mindset as their main mindset.
You’re teen isn’t listening, but they are watching you.
Whether you realize it or not, you are a powerful example in their life.
Want to Master the Inner Game of Parenting?
Step 1 – Go take the parent trap quiz!
It’s free, easy, and will take you less than 3 minutes.
Step 2 – Use your quiz results to focus your energy on growing in the area indicated by your quiz results.
Step 3- Come work with me to help you up level your parenting!
Supporting Teen Interests: As parents, we should really get behind our teens’ passions, even if they don’t fit the typical school mold. It’s about encouraging what they love and finding ways to make learning meaningful for them.
Valuable Skills Outside School: Look at what happened with Ashley’s son! He found success flipping dirt bikes, cars, and other stuff. It just shows that there are different paths to building skills and confidence beyond what’s taught in classrooms.
Focus on Personal Growth: I’ve learned that it’s crucial for us parents to focus on our own growth too, especially when our teens aren’t vibing with school. It’s okay to seek support and figure out how to navigate these challenges together.
Shift in Perspective: Ashley’s story really hits home. When she changed her outlook, her relationship with her son improved big time. It’s all about showing respect and support, even when their choices might not be what we expected.
Embracing Different Paths: We need to realize that there’s no one-size-fits-all approach to success. As parents, we should be open to embracing the unique paths our teens take, even if it’s different from what we imagined.
Want to Master the Inner Game of Parenting?
Step 1 – Go take the parent trap quiz!
It’s free, easy, and will take you less than 3 minutes.
Step 2 – Use your quiz results to focus your energy on growing in the area indicated by your quiz results.
5 Key Takeaways from my conversation with Jesse LeBeau
In this episode of the Impact Parenting with Perspective podcast, Ben interviews guest Jesse LeBeau, a youth speaker who shares his experiences and delivers messages about being an underdog, overcoming obstacles, and improving attitude and life. Jesse’s passion for basketball led him to pursue a career in commercials, movies, and TV shows, where he had the opportunity to work with famous athletes and celebrities. However, he realized that his purpose was to use his experiences to engage and inspire young people.
Here are 5 key takeaways from this episode:
The importance of maintaining a positive attitude and focusing on the next play, just like star players do.
Finding one’s passion and being willing to explore different avenues related to that passion can lead to discovering one’s purpose.
Parents play a crucial role in modeling positive attitudes and behaviors for their teens.
Having a positive attitude can lead to greater success and happiness in life.
Parents and teens should work together to create a supportive and positive environment.
Jesse LeBeau is one of today’s most highly sought after youth speakers and teen coaches. His unlikely underdog story has inspired millions of teens through his speaking, best-selling books and youth programs. He is one of the worlds premiere basketball trick artists and is regularly featured on TV, film, and international tours. Jesse’s new reality series ‘The LeBeau Show’ allows viewers the chance to follow him around the country and see firsthand the major impact he is having on youth.
Want to Master the Inner Game of Parenting?
Step 1 – Go take the parent trap quiz!
It’s free, easy, and will take you less than 3 minutes.
Step 2 – Use your quiz results to focus your energy on growing in the area indicated by your quiz results.
Teenagers inadvertently adopt our mindsets and beliefs!
“Calm is contagious [ . . .] You can supplant any word you want for ‘calm‘ — chaos is contagious, panic is contagious, stupid 100% is contagious, [ . . ] “So we like ‘calm‘ because it lets you keep your head, it keeps you focused on the mission at hand.” ~ Former Navy SEAL Commander, Rorke Denver
Human Beings are Herd Animals
We like to be part of a herd or a tribe. Similar to animals, we mirror the behavior of others. We adopt many of the thoughts, feelings, and behaviors of those around us.
Jim Rohn said, “You’re the average of the five people spend the most time with.” Not only are you influenced by the people closest to you, but you are influenced by your society, your community, your family, anybody that you spend time with.
We can’t help it. It’s a survival and defense mechanism. We try to fit in with those around us.
Teens’ Models Their Parents’ Models
Teens subconsciously are trying to become like their parents. Sure, they are trying to grow up, be unique, and become themselves, but everything they do is processed through their brain which has been highly influenced by you.
Most people adopt the beliefs and values of their parents. You can see this in politics, religion, and even sports fandom.
This isn’t bad. It’s not brainwashing; it’s simply how we are designed as human beings.
What you think and believe, your teen will likely think and believe.
How you feel, your teen will likely adopt.
How you act and what you do, your teen will probably mirror.
This is why it’s so important that we as parents become aware of our own models.
My teen’s struggling with ___________, what should I do?
“My teen’s struggling with . . . “ Confidence, Anxiety, Motivation, You fill in the blank.
Parents all over the country, world really, want to help their teens. They want to change their teens. They want to help them be different.
But their focus is usually in the wrong place.
Parents usually focus on their teen, on changing their teen. But this means that their focus is on something outside of their control.
When you focus on your teen, and your try to fix your teen, you only push them away.
Instead, bring the focus inward onto you. What can you do? How can you be the change that you want to see?
Understand and observe your own personal models.
Develop your own awareness, and then, develop intentionality.
Call to ACTION!
Get on a FREE consultation call with me today to see how you can stop pushing your teen away and start connecting with them right where they are.
