More rules may not be what your teen needs. Learn how better leadership can reduce power struggles and help your teen take more responsibility.

If you’re worried about your teen, it’s easy to think you need to do more.

More reminders.

More rules.

More consequences.

More checking up on him.

Maybe his grades are slipping. He’s spending too much time playing video games. He isn’t doing his chores. Or he doesn’t seem nearly as worried about his future as you are.

So you step in.

You remind. You push. You make a plan. You try to fix it.

And somehow, the harder you try to help, the more resistance you get.

That’s because there’s a big difference between leading your teen and trying to control him.

I learned this years ago when I was a high school principal.

Our school was struggling. Graduation rates were low. Suspensions were high. Test scores weren’t good.

I felt like I had to fix everything.

Then I read a tiny book called Lead Simply by Sam Parker. It gave me three words that changed the way I thought about leadership:

Model. Connect. Involve.

Those three ideas helped me as a principal.

And years later, I realized they also apply to parenting.

Because when we’re scared about what might happen to our kids, control can start to feel like responsible parenting.

But your teen doesn’t need you to solve every problem for him.

And he probably doesn’t need you to come up with another rule every time something goes wrong.

He needs leadership.

That starts by asking a different question.

Instead of:

“How do I get my teen to change?”

Try:

“Who do I want to be while my teen figures this out?”

That doesn’t mean becoming permissive.

It doesn’t mean letting your teen do whatever he wants.

And it definitely doesn’t mean giving up your role as the parent.

It means learning how to model what you want to see, build connection before there’s a problem, and involve your teen in solving more of his own problems.

In this episode of IMPACT! Parenting with Perspective, I break down what Model, Connect, Involve can actually look like with your teenager—and why better leadership may get you further than another rule ever will.

Listen to the full episode to hear how to put it into practice with your teen.