One Coaching Call Changed His Life—No Joke

Watch this whole episode on YouTube: Episode 263

Sometimes life feels really hard. You don’t know what to do next. You feel stuck, lost, or like you’ve let people down.

That’s what happened to Howie. He came home early from his mission and felt like a failure. But then, something changed. In just one coaching call, he saw things differently—and it changed his life.

In this post, I’ll share what happened, what he learned, and how these same tools can help your teen (or even help YOU).

What You’ll Learn in This Episode:

How one powerful conversation can create a life-changing breakthrough
Why it’s important to stop blaming others and start taking control
What the “Wheel of Life” is and how to use it when life feels hard
Why knowing your values helps you make better choices

Howie’s Story

Howie had a pretty great life before his mission. But once he got out there, he started to struggle. He felt confused and unsure about why he was even there. After four months, he decided to come home.

Coming home early wasn’t easy. He felt ashamed. People kept asking questions. And he felt like he had to make excuses—“It was mental health,” he’d say—just so people wouldn’t judge him.

But then he got on a free call with me.

The Breakthrough: From Victim to Hero

During that first coaching call, I helped Howie see something big:

He didn’t need an excuse.
He didn’t have to be the victim.
He had made a hard choice—and that was OK.

Instead of blaming outside stuff, Howie started to own his choice. He stopped worrying about what other people thought. He started focusing on what he could control.

That’s what I call the shift from victim mindset to hero mindset.

What Is the Wheel of Life?

Life isn’t always a straight line. It’s more like a wheel. Sometimes you’re at the top and life feels great. Other times you’re at the bottom and things are tough.

But just like a wheel, life keeps turning.

When Howie was having a hard day selling door-to-door, he’d remember the Wheel of Life. He’d remind himself that it was just a “bottom” moment—and things would swing back up if he stayed focused and calm.

What Are Your Values?

Another big thing Howie learned was how to notice and choose his values.

Sometimes we say we value one thing—like health or honesty—but our actions show something else. Howie started asking, “What am I really valuing right now?” That helped him make better choices and feel more in control of his life.

Even when he made a not-so-great choice (like ordering pizza instead of eating healthy), he learned to own it. No more guilt. Just learning and growing.

What This Means for You as a Parent

Parents, your teen doesn’t need to be “fixed.” What they need is someone who understands. Someone who believes in them. Someone who’s doing their own work.

If your teen is struggling—whether they came home early from a mission, quit sports, or just feel lost—it’s okay. There is hope. They can learn to take control of their life. You can too.

Want Help?

You don’t have to figure this out on your own.

Whether you’re a parent or a teen, I offer free coaching calls to help you get started.

Book a free call today: https://benpughcoaching.com/mini

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Episode 256: Why We’re Addicted to Being Anxious

Anxiety has become a constant presence in so many of our lives. But what if we told you it’s not just something we experience—it’s something many of us unknowingly hold onto, even worship? In this episode of the podcast, we explore the roots of anxiety, why it feels so hard to let go, and how changing your mindset can help you break free.

What You’ll Learn in This Episode

Why anxiety has become a part of our identity.
How “secondary gain” keeps us stuck in cycles of worry.
The difference between healthy nervousness and crippling anxiety.
How to stop passing anxiety onto your kids.
Simple tips for building resilience and embracing discomfort.

How Anxiety Becomes an Addiction

Anxiety doesn’t just show up out of nowhere. It often becomes a habit—one we turn to in tough moments. In this episode, Ben explains how anxiety can feel like a “badge” we wear to avoid uncomfortable situations. Whether it’s skipping out on a tough conversation or avoiding a new challenge, anxiety offers us a way to stay comfortable, but at a cost.

This is where the idea of secondary gain comes in. Secondary gain is the hidden benefit we get from holding onto anxiety. Maybe it’s avoiding embarrassment, staying safe, or even fitting in with others who also struggle with anxiety. But as Ben points out, this gain is temporary, and it keeps us from growing stronger and building confidence.

Teaching Kids (and Ourselves) to Face Fear

Cortni shares her insights on how anxiety is often passed down to the next generation. She explains how many parents unintentionally “feed” anxiety in their kids by trying to protect them from discomfort. But avoiding discomfort only makes things harder in the long run.

Instead, Cortni encourages parents to teach their kids that it’s okay to feel scared or nervous—it’s part of life. Whether it’s getting a shot at the doctor’s office or speaking in front of a class, kids need to learn that they can face challenges and come out stronger on the other side.

Why Embracing Discomfort Is the Key to Growth

One of the most powerful lessons in this episode is the idea that resilience comes from facing discomfort, not avoiding it. Ben shares a personal story about being pushed to work harder by a tough coach in high school. While the feedback was hard to hear, it helped him grow and succeed.

This same principle applies to anxiety. Rather than avoiding situations that make us anxious, we need to embrace them. As Ben explains, “We need to stop worshiping anxiety and start seeing it as something we can overcome.”

Practical Tips for Letting Go of Anxiety

If you’re ready to stop letting anxiety control your life, here are a few tips shared in the episode:

Identify the Secondary Gain: Ask yourself, “What am I getting out of this anxiety?” Understanding the hidden benefit is the first step to letting go.
Reframe Your Nervousness: Nervousness and excitement are closely related. Shift your mindset to see that buzz of energy as a positive force.
Acknowledge Fear, but Don’t Feed It: It’s okay to feel scared or uncomfortable, but don’t let it stop you from moving forward.
Model Resilience for Your Kids: Teach your children that life’s challenges are opportunities to grow, not obstacles to avoid.

Final Thoughts

Anxiety doesn’t have to define you. It doesn’t have to control your life or your family. As this episode shows, letting go of the “badge” of anxiety and embracing discomfort can lead to incredible growth and strength.

So, the next time you feel anxious, take a moment to pause and reflect. What benefit are you getting from holding onto it? How can you reframe the situation to empower yourself rather than hold yourself back?

If you’re ready to stop letting anxiety run your life, this episode is for you. Listen now and start taking control of your mindset today!

Ready to dive deeper?
Follow us on social media for more insights: IG: @benpughcoaching
We’d love to hear from you! Share your thoughts in the comments below.

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Episode 243: Let Go: Focus on What You Can Control

Why We Get Stuck as Parents

Parenting often feels like juggling too many balls at once. We worry about grades, friend choices, screen time, and countless other things. But trying to control everything only leaves us feeling tired and frustrated.

In this Episode:

Ben and Cortni dive into one of the biggest challenges parents face – trying to control everything in their teen’s life. You’ll hear real stories from parents who learned to let go and saw their relationships with their kids improve. We talk about simple ways to focus your energy on things you can actually change, and share practical tips that work in everyday situations. Whether you’re struggling with homework battles, screen time wars, or just feeling overwhelmed, this episode will give you the tools to start making positive changes today. Plus, you’ll hear how other parents just like you found peace by learning what to let go of and what to hold onto.

What’s Actually in Our Control?

The truth is, we can only control our own actions and responses. While we can’t control our teen’s choices, we can control how we react, the boundaries we set, and the environment we create at home.

Simple Steps to Let Go

• Start with acceptance
• Focus on your responses
• Create clear boundaries
• Build trust through consistency

Building Better Family Relationships

When we stop trying to control everything, something amazing happens. Our relationships with our kids improve. We can focus on connecting instead of correcting.

Real Changes Start With You

The best way to create positive change in your family is to start with yourself. This means working on your own reactions and choosing your battles wisely.

Moving Forward

Remember that letting go doesn’t mean giving up. It means being smart about where you put your energy and focusing on what truly matters in your relationship with your teens.

Final Takeaways:

Remember, being a good parent doesn’t mean having control over everything – it means being wise about where you put your energy. As we discussed in today’s episode, when you stop trying to micromanage every aspect of your teen’s life, you create space for better connections and real growth. Start small by picking one area where you can practice letting go this week. Maybe it’s not checking their grades daily, or letting them handle their own morning routine. Whatever you choose, notice how it feels to step back. You’ve got this, parents – sometimes doing less really is more.

Another podcast you might like: https://benpughcoaching.com/236/

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Episode 239: Self-Love and Subconscious Patterns with Marci Owen

Meet Our Special Guest Marci Owen

• An Advanced certified trauma-informed life coach
• Host of Courageous and Confident Christian Mom podcast
• Specializes in self-love coaching for Christian moms
• Expert in nervous system regulation and resilience

Understanding Self-Love for Mothers

• Why self-love isn’t selfish
• The impact of self-sacrifice mentality
• How prioritizing self-care affects family dynamics
• Breaking free from religious misconceptions about self-care

Exploring Subconscious Patterns

*Common coping mechanisms:

People-pleasing
Control issues
Victim mentality
• How early experiences shape our behavior
• Real-life examples of pattern recognition
• Ways to identify your own patterns

Breaking Free from Limiting Patterns

• The role of self-awareness
• Steps to change negative patterns
• Understanding personality traits vs. coping mechanisms
• Creating new, healthy habits

Taking Action

• Practical steps for implementing change
• The importance of responsibility
• Tools for emotional intelligence
• Building confidence and resilience

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Episode 238: Stop Holding Yourself Back

Are You Holding Yourself Back?

This will be the last podcast episode of 2024. As I’ve thought about the New Year, and this past year, I’ve been exploring my life, where I am, where I’m going, what values are driving me, and what changes I’d like to make in my life, and I came to the realization that I’m holding myself back.

I have goals and dreams when it comes to my physical health, my business, my family, and this morning as I woke up and explored my life, I was able to see specific areas of my life where I’m holding myself back.

If you’re like me, you’re probably holding yourself back in areas of your life too.

Now, here’s the crazy thing about your life, your dreams, and your goals. They’re all connected. For example, I have goals of being physically fit and returning to the athleticism that I enjoyed in my twenties. I also have the dream of having an extremely successful coaching practice where I have other coaches working with me and I help hundreds of thousands of parents and teens.

Now, those two things, my physical health and my life coaching business, may seem unconnected, but the truth is that they are extremely connected. They’re connected by ME, and by me BEing the Me of My Dreams.

Lately, I’ve been feeling the pull to start BEing the man I want to be when it comes to my physical health. I’m not sure exactly how it’s going to impact the dreams that I have for my business, but I know that holding myself back in the realm of my health, is also holding me back in my business.

So, this starting now, and in the New Year, my focus is on setting myself free and BEing the Me of My Dreams!

Stop Blaming and/or Making Excuses

This morning as I was waking up, I had a dream that I was reffing a little league football game. The dream was similar to a real life experience I had this summer, and I feel that I’m meant to share it with you.

This summer, while reffing, one game in particular, the coaches kept blaming the refs, me and another ref, for bad calls or no calls. I tried to explain to the coach exactly what I was looking for and why I wasn’t making the call he was looking for.

Rather than coach up his players and help them be better, he kept blaming “the bad refs”. The more he blamed the refs, the more his players started blaming the refs. Then, the parents started blaming the refs.

Then after the game, I overheard his post game speech, in which he told his players that the loss wasn’t on them, it was on the poor officiating.

The problem with blaming and making excuses is it takes all responsibility from the person doing the blaming and making excuses.

Rather than embracing the opportunity to coach up his players, and help them get better, he told his players, you have no responsibility here. You’re just a victim at the mercy of the refs.

If you want to reach your goals and dreams, catch yourself blaming, making excuses, complaining, or even criticizing. See it for what it is. It’s disempowering. It’s you focusing on someone or something outside of your control. And, it’s holding you back!

BE The Change You Want to See!

If you’re anything like me and the other parents that I work with and that listen to this podcast, there are things in your life that you’d like to change.

Also if you’re like me and other parents here, you’re probably guilty of seeing the changes you’d like to make in your teen.

I want to invite you to BE The Change You Want to See!

I know it sounds simple. I know it sounds like it won’t actually change anything, but I promise you it will change EVERYTHING!

If you feel pulled to improve your health, but you think, “That’s not going to change my relationship with my teen,” or “That’s not going to change my financial situation,” I invite you to trust the pull. Trust your inner wisdom. Take control of the little things that you can control and then wait and see how they impact things outside of your control.

I’ve worked with countless parents who wanted me to somehow change their teens. But, when they took it upon themselves to BE The Change, they were amazed at how much their teen then changed.

BE The Change!

You’ve got this.

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